Thursday, September 10, 2009
How many times have you woken up and said, "Wow, weird dream." How many times have you been talking to someone who shifted the topic by saying, "I had such a weird dream last night." Every time I say or hear these comments I think, "when is a dream NOT weird."
Dreams are inherently cryptic. The unconscious is playing around in your brain. It has no logic or coherent timeline. People are identified as someone you know but look nothing like them. You're able to do things you would never be capable of due to gravity and other natural constraints. Time shifts at will. People morph into animals or pulsing blobs. We try to make sense of them in our logical waking brains, but for the most part it's pretty much a frustrating folly.
Ironically, all this said, I had a dream that kind of made sense the other night. I am a theatre and movie lover. I'm not big on award shows but I always watch the Oscars. In this dream, I was a presenter at the Oscars. It was a little different than most in that one person said the names of the nominees and then five people came up to talk more about each of those nominees. I was to talk about Helen Mirren. As we all went up, I realized that everyone else had an envelope in their hand, except me. I started to panic and went to a table at the side of the stage to find out where my envelope was. This ruined the flow of the whole show. So someone else took the reins and simply skipped the step we 5 were to do and announced the winner - Helen Mirren. I was mortified. Not only did I screw up the show, I also didn't get to talk about one of my heroes who ended up with a statuette. I couldn't even possibly talk to her now after what I had done.
I awoke from the dream and was quite agitated. I went into that space so many of us go to so often - beating myself up for a stupid mistake. I went around and around with it for a few laps in my head before I, in a more awake state, realized, "wait a second, it's bad enough to do that when you're conscious, this was a DREAM!"
It struck me how easy it is for us to get into the beat myself up mode. It's such a useless place to dwell. It does us no good whatsoever.
For one, what's done is done. Replaying it over and over like a bad piece of music isn't going to help or change anything. All it will do is make you crazy and self conscious. You'll become less likely to take chances or to speak up. You'll start to beat yourself down until you become a shell of yourself.
Also, why dwell on the negative? Think about it - when you do something that doesn't turn out very well, do you think about the dozen things you did well before or after that one event? No. Human nature is to keep that one moment in the brain in full technicolor on repeat.
Why not pick something you did exceptionally well and put that on the repeato panel? Think about the results: rather than beating yourself down, you'd be building yourself up. You might discover that you're more willing to take chances and speak your mind. Your sense of self will remain in tact and grow stronger. You will go boldly through your life with confidence knowing that we all make missteps and it's not such a big deal.
So, my lovely kitties, remember to focus on the positive, even in your subconscious moments. Be Beautiful, Be YOU and celebrate your great moments.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I meant to write a post last week about an event I went to but didn't get around to it. Now I'm glad I didn't as it makes a sharp contrast to something I experienced this past weekend.
The former was called "How to Find the Man of Your Dreams... And Marry Him in 6 Months". I went as a sponsor to promote my business, as it is for women after all, not as a participant. I have no problem with the first part of the title, not so big on the second. But that's another story....
There were at least 100 women in the room for this event. Some of what the presenter, a man, had to say was valid. Things like knowing and loving yourself, knowing what you want/need so you can narrow the field, being clear on what you want from the very start before you fall in "love". All very important. What I wasn't as taken with was the manipulation factor. The holding back, the being a "mystery", no sex until marriage - it all felt very contrived. And, on top of that, why should I deny myself something I enjoy - that being sex - for the sake of getting a man? Not worth it in my book!
What got to me most was how everyone - well, most at least - were eating it up. Are we so desperate to find Mr.Right that we'll listen to any yahoo that claims to be an expert? Is this the most important thing we have to think about? Please, tell me it ain't so!
In contrast, I went to a documentary on Sunday called "FIERCE LIGHT - Where Spirit Meets Action". There were 5 people in the audience, including myself. This is an incredible piece of work. From the creators:
Fueled by the belief that "another world is possible," Fierce Light is a compelling, global journey into the world of spirit in action, an exploration of what Martin Luther King called "Love in Action," and Gandhi called "Soul Force"; what Ripper is calling "Fierce Light." (Ripper is the film maker)
Click here to see the trailer.
The film is about the marriage of activism and spirituality, whatever you believe either to be. It's about our ability, willingness (or not), power and drive to change the world for the better. I was moved to tears and had to take time to discuss and decompress afterwards. I can honestly say that is a rare occurrence for me.
What struck me most was the fact that this powerful, potentially world altering piece of work was only attended by a tiny handful, whereas a dating workshop was overflowing. There is something very wrong with this picture. I am struggling to put into words exactly how I feel about it and why. What it boils down to is why, oh why are we so caught up in ourselves that we refuse, or simply are unable to, see the big picture.
I created my business to see a change in the world. I want to see women take on their lives with joy and power. We have so much potential for love and so much strength of will when we are motivated.
One of the people in the documentary is Julia Butterly Hill who sat in a redwood for 2 years to save it from being cut down. She stayed even as she saw the forest being cut down around her. She stayed after a friend was crushed by a falling tree. She stayed and she saved the tree, Luna.
What do you care about enough to create no matter the obstacle? What's most important to you? Finding a man or making a difference? I hope you're with me and choose the latter. We can cut a huge swath through this crazy world together!
You are so inspiring to me, my kitties. Go shine your light, live your dreams. Be beautiful, Be you. We are what the world needs!
Hugs and kisses.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
As an "expert" I sometimes feel like I have things pretty together. Still, once in awhile I run into a situation that reminds me where I came from and that the old patterns can raise their ugly heads.
I was at a tradeshow on the weekend. The table beside me was for a furnace company. You would expect the people working it would most likely be men. At the start of the day, an older, very friendly and lovely woman was manning it. An hour later, her partner joined her. A tall, willowy, puffy lipped, tightly clothed younger woman. This is the kind of woman that would make most other women feel insecure.
All of a sudden I felt my own sense of self have a hiccup. I was no longer the tallest, one of the things that are noticed about me. I wasn't the best dressed. I could easily be overlooked with the could be model next to me. It took a little time for me to swallow my pride and hold my virtual breath to calm the self hiccup. When I finally talked to my perceived nemesis, she, of course, turned out to be lovely, friendly and down to earth.
I was reminded that we all have our moments of feeling less than confident and to be more patient with people when they are in that space. Usually all it takes is a move away from that space with something simple like I did with talking to Erica, but sometimes it takes a fair bit of fortitude to take that step.
There will always be things that come about to test us. To test our growth. To test our integrity. To test our commitment. The question is, what will you do about it?
I've been struggling lately with some personal depression which has made it hard to get things completed. However, I continue to move forward, no matter how tiny the steps. The key is to acknowledge those steps and celebrate them.
Remind yourself that you are growing. Take the time to look back and see how far you've come. Let the hiccups happen, swallow them down and keep going. You - and I - are doing great!
Keep saying your mantra - BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU!
Let's dance together in celebration of our progress!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
I hope others will be as excited as I am! I have finished the first draft of my book. It's been a ride. The last bit has been especially hard. I realized a week or so ago that I was avoiding finishing because of all the work I'll have to do now that it's "done". The editing, the redrafting, the finding of editors, publishers, etc. The fighting with others who may "know better" to keep true to my vision. And it's going to be a great discovery process so that when I do book #2 about the Sensual personalities, it'll be that much easier!
Here is a piece of the final chapter for you to enjoy. Watch out for THE BAD KITTY HANDBOOK coming to a store near you!
Hugs to all you beautiful kitties out there. Thank you for your support. Love you all!
Living your Authentic Sensuality is easy – and not so easy:
- Be gentle with yourself. Life can get hard. You will experience setbacks. Know that it's all part of the process.
- Celebrate your success.
- Be easy on yourself in your struggles.
- Recognize the stories you tell yourself. Are they serving you or destroying you?
- Speak up for yourself.
- Be present at all times.
- Act in spite of fear.
- Look to your Sensual heroes. Use chapter 3 for examples.
- Remember what makes you happy, what drives you and live by it.
- Share your passion with the world.
- Do what satisfies you first.
- Keep your tank full!
- Take plenty of me time.
- Be aware of your patterns and filters. Use the ones that serve you, discard the ones that don't.
- Above all, love yourself.
You are so amazing. As you discover more and more about yourself as you go along your journey, you will realize just how amazing you are.
You are lovable.
You are worthy.
You are YOU!
Thank you for being you. Your light shines brightly in the world. Keep it out there for all to see. BE BEAUTIFUL, my dear, BE YOU.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Another excerpt from my almost finished book:
Because Sensuality and Sexuality are so closely related, one of the first parts we women shut down when we go into the overwhelm, martyr state is our Sexuality. It leads to a cascade reaction of shutting everything else down as well. When you're not fully present and feeling in one area, it affects all.
This is a big subject and could be a book in itself. Let's do our best to keep it simple. Sex is a super-charged subject in our society. Mention homosexuality, pre-marital sex, extra-marital sex, fetishes, prostitution or anything else to do with the larger subject of sex, and you're bound to get a lively reaction. People will be immediately engaged and wanting to express opinions, others will shut down and want to change the subject. No matter what, there will be a reaction.
In reality, it's like the word fuck – it's not inherently a good or bad thing, it's simply there and it's what we create around it that makes it good or bad in our minds. It's surrounded by standards. Whether you're brought up in a religious, secular or hippie home there are expectations and standards communicated verbally and by example all around. We take on these standards naturally and begin to believe they are right without testing them.
Then, we start to explore our sexuality, we start to get into relationships and discover that not everyone has the same feelings and standards around sex. We may also discover that what we've learned is becoming a little confusing because it doesn't match with reality. And then add some overwhelm and disenchantment with the way our lives are going and it's no wonder that we close down or give little attention to our sexual side.
It took a long time for me to really grasp my sexuality, which meant I had to tap into my sensuality first. Now, my sexuality is an integral and integrated part of me. I'm clear on what I need – and what I don't, like marriage. I'm clear on what I like. I'm more willing to try new things. I'm no longer embarrassed by being sexual. I'm comfortable in my body and although it's far from perfect, I love being naked. I enjoy multiple partners. I've discovered that I'm bi and love women almost as much as men. I like groups, BDSM and anal. All of these things I wouldn't have even considered had I stayed stuck in the standards of others. And oh how much pleasure I would have missed!
Without knowing your full expression through Authentic Sensuality, you may be putting on a false Sexuality. My authentic sexuality is different than yours. Like all other areas of your life, you need to be clear on who you are, what you want and communicate it effectively in order to live authentically.
When I see people come out to clubs and sit in a corner until they've had a few to become “comfortable” with flirting and dirty dancing I know that that is not their authenticity. It may be part of them, but they have not come to a place that they can express it honestly yet. They still feel they need a little extra courage. Until you can express your desires in all areas of your life, especially sexually, straight and unencumbered by manufactured confidence, you aren't Authentic.
There are so many aspects to Sexuality. Have fun with it. Explore, be in the moment. Like everything else in your life, it's simply a part of your full expression. Until you allow it to be real for you you cannot be fully Authentic in your Sensuality.
Remember, gorgeous kitties - Be Beautiful, Be YOU!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
An excerpt from my book, THE BAD KITTY HANDBOOK:
One key to living authentically is to stop blaming, being the victim or ignoring what is really going on. Our society is so geared to the blame game. It's taken away our ownership as well as our power over our lives.
How many times have you heard, or said yourself:
- It's my mom's fault.
- If my husband had treated me better, I wouldn't be like this.
- Everyone treats me badly.
- You're making me so angry.
- My life stinks because I can't get a good job.
- Things just happen, I can't help it.
- I can't have a good relationship because my whole family is messed up.
- I'm late because of the traffic.
And many more excuses for why we do things, are the way we are or feel the way we feel.
I have good news for you – you are in complete control of it all! Our circumstances only control us as much as we allow them. Have you ever heard of a little something called choice? Yes, we do have it in every situation.
But I have no control over traffic! Yes, you're right. You do have a choice in how you react to it. You have a choice in checking the traffic report before you leave and knowing to leave extra time during rush hour.
But I have no control over how my parents raised me! Yes, you're right. You do have a choice in how you live your life, whether you use your experiences to grow or be stuck, whether you see things in a positive or negative light, whether you decide to move on and leave the pain behind.
But I have no control over what others do to me! Yes, you're right. You do have a choice in whether you allow them to treat you poorly. You have a choice in your reactions. You decide if you stay in a state of anger or irritation or if you move away from it.
There is ALWAYS a choice!
There are three axioms for living a life of choice.
1.A THING IS WHAT IT IS.
We label many things. We call a thing we sit on a chair. What is it really? Two pieces of wood nailed together at a 90 degree angle with 4 sticks nailed to the bottom corners of one of the pieces. It's wood, varnish or paint, nails and glue. That is truly what it is.
We label emotions. Sometimes we feel queasy in the stomach, tingly in the skin, a little light headed and, depending on the situation, we label it nervous or excited. Actually, the feeling is exactly the same, it's just what we decide to call it.
The first axiom is about simply seeing things as they are at the most basic. No labels, no layering of expectation or distortion from those filters we talked about before. See it for what it really is.
2.OWN IT AND BE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT AS IT IS.
For the chair, it is solid. If you try to punch it, you will hurt your hand. If you turn it on it's side and step on one of the legs, it will probably break. Trying to sit on the poky side will hurt or at least not be terribly comfortable. If you throw it at the wall, it may break and the wall will certainly be worse for wear.
When you are in a situation that starts to push some buttons emotionally, realize you are allowing yourself to feel as you feel. Someone else isn't “making” you angry, you are simply angry. Own that emotion. It's yours. The situation may bring up some things that you haven't dealt with or remind you of another time when similar emotions occurred. And they are YOUR emotions. Own it and be responsible for it. No one can “make” you feel anything. It's your very own special feeling.
3.CREATE WHAT YOU WANT.
We may call that collection of planks and sticks a chair, but it can be so much more! It can be a space ship, throw a blanket over it and make a fort, a stepstool, a zoo for your stuffed animals, part of a maze. You are only limited by your imagination. Ask any child what possibilities there are to create from a chair. How many kids will put a toy aside and play with the box it came in? That is creating what you want. The box has way more possibilities!
When it comes to emotions, it can be a little trickier until you get the hang of it. To clarify, it's not about being enlightened and somehow above feeling. That's skipping to the end of the process and it will eventually come back and bite your ass. Rather, it's about acknowledging the feeling – step 2 – rather than glossing over it or pretending it doesn't exist or that you're somehow “above” these emotions, especially the ones we deem “negative” like anger.
In truth, no emotion is negative, it's what you do with it that can have poor consequences. So take how you're feeling, own it and then decide what you are going to do with it. Are you going to channel it in a way that serves or hurts you? Are you going to decide to sit and stew in it or express it and be done with it? It's up to you.
Monday, May 25, 2009
I got some exciting news last week. In case you don't recognize the woman who's not me in the picture, she is Lisa Nichols. She is one of the contributors to the movie/book sensation, THE SECRET. She also has her own book out recently called NO MATTER WHAT. For more info on Lisa go to her website www.lisa-nichols.com.
Lisa is a powerful speaker with an amazing story. I had the pleasure of meeting her at an event I went to in March in Lake Tahoe. There were many inspiring people there, including Micheal Drew (also pictured) who has helped 50 out of 50 books he's worked with enter the publishing world at #1. There were also many amazing "regular" folk there as well.
Two were Angela Johnson and Spring Allen (pictured). These amazing women from Utah were putting together a 3 day Women's event in Salt Lake. We spoke briefly about my presenting, but there were some concerns about my subject matter creating ripples in the largely Mormon community. But, when I found out Lisa Nichols was going to be keynote, I decided that I absolutely HAD to be there!
The speakers application - something I had never had to put together before - asked for several things that I had to create including a recording of me, outlines for the session(s) I wished to present and a resume. I gulped, took a deep breath and made it happen.
Last week, I got the final news - I have been invited to do not only one but TWO break out sessions at the event. I was bouncing up and down so hard in my computer chair I thought it might break and squealing so much, I expected dogs at my door in response.
This is the power of THE SECRET. Picture what you want, then take the actions to make them happen! The universe knows I'm serious about helping women BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU and is responding to my actions in that direction.
I hope to see some of you in Salt Lake in August at the Illuminated Women event. It's going to be a blast. How can it not be, I'm going to be there!