The Good, The Bad and The Kitty

Weird Dream

2009-09-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

How many times have you woken up and said, "Wow, weird dream." How many times have you been talking to someone who shifted the topic by saying, "I had such a weird dream last night." Every time I say or hear these comments I think, "when is a dream NOT weird."

Dreams are inherently cryptic. The unconscious is playing around in your brain. It has no logic or coherent timeline. People are identified as someone you know but look nothing like them. You're able to do things you would never be capable of due to gravity and other natural constraints. Time shifts at will. People morph into animals or pulsing blobs. We try to make sense of them in our logical waking brains, but for the most part it's pretty much a frustrating folly.

Ironically, all this said, I had a dream that kind of made sense the other night. I am a theatre and movie lover. I'm not big on award shows but I always watch the Oscars. In this dream, I was a presenter at the Oscars. It was a little different than most in that one person said the names of the nominees and then five people came up to talk more about each of those nominees. I was to talk about Helen Mirren. As we all went up, I realized that everyone else had an envelope in their hand, except me. I started to panic and went to a table at the side of the stage to find out where my envelope was. This ruined the flow of the whole show. So someone else took the reins and simply skipped the step we 5 were to do and announced the winner - Helen Mirren. I was mortified. Not only did I screw up the show, I also didn't get to talk about one of my heroes who ended up with a statuette. I couldn't even possibly talk to her now after what I had done.

I awoke from the dream and was quite agitated. I went into that space so many of us go to so often - beating myself up for a stupid mistake. I went around and around with it for a few laps in my head before I, in a more awake state, realized, "wait a second, it's bad enough to do that when you're conscious, this was a DREAM!"

It struck me how easy it is for us to get into the beat myself up mode. It's such a useless place to dwell. It does us no good whatsoever.

For one, what's done is done. Replaying it over and over like a bad piece of music isn't going to help or change anything. All it will do is make you crazy and self conscious. You'll become less likely to take chances or to speak up. You'll start to beat yourself down until you become a shell of yourself.

Also, why dwell on the negative? Think about it - when you do something that doesn't turn out very well, do you think about the dozen things you did well before or after that one event? No. Human nature is to keep that one moment in the brain in full technicolor on repeat.

Why not pick something you did exceptionally well and put that on the repeato panel? Think about the results: rather than beating yourself down, you'd be building yourself up. You might discover that you're more willing to take chances and speak your mind. Your sense of self will remain in tact and grow stronger. You will go boldly through your life with confidence knowing that we all make missteps and it's not such a big deal.

So, my lovely kitties, remember to focus on the positive, even in your subconscious moments. Be Beautiful, Be YOU and celebrate your great moments.

Love ya!

www.thebadkitty.com

Priorities

2009-08-25T14:26:00.000-07:00

I meant to write a post last week about an event I went to but didn't get around to it. Now I'm glad I didn't as it makes a sharp contrast to something I experienced this past weekend.

The former was called "How to Find the Man of Your Dreams... And Marry Him in 6 Months". I went as a sponsor to promote my business, as it is for women after all, not as a participant. I have no problem with the first part of the title, not so big on the second. But that's another story....

There were at least 100 women in the room for this event. Some of what the presenter, a man, had to say was valid. Things like knowing and loving yourself, knowing what you want/need so you can narrow the field, being clear on what you want from the very start before you fall in "love". All very important. What I wasn't as taken with was the manipulation factor. The holding back, the being a "mystery", no sex until marriage - it all felt very contrived. And, on top of that, why should I deny myself something I enjoy - that being sex - for the sake of getting a man? Not worth it in my book!

What got to me most was how everyone - well, most at least - were eating it up. Are we so desperate to find Mr.Right that we'll listen to any yahoo that claims to be an expert? Is this the most important thing we have to think about? Please, tell me it ain't so!

In contrast, I went to a documentary on Sunday called "FIERCE LIGHT - Where Spirit Meets Action". There were 5 people in the audience, including myself. This is an incredible piece of work. From the creators:
Fueled by the belief that "another world is possible," Fierce Light is a compelling, global journey into the world of spirit in action, an exploration of what Martin Luther King called "Love in Action," and Gandhi called "Soul Force"; what Ripper is calling "Fierce Light." (Ripper is the film maker)
Click here to see the trailer.

The film is about the marriage of activism and spirituality, whatever you believe either to be. It's about our ability, willingness (or not), power and drive to change the world for the better. I was moved to tears and had to take time to discuss and decompress afterwards. I can honestly say that is a rare occurrence for me.

What struck me most was the fact that this powerful, potentially world altering piece of work was only attended by a tiny handful, whereas a dating workshop was overflowing. There is something very wrong with this picture. I am struggling to put into words exactly how I feel about it and why. What it boils down to is why, oh why are we so caught up in ourselves that we refuse, or simply are unable to, see the big picture.

I created my business to see a change in the world. I want to see women take on their lives with joy and power. We have so much potential for love and so much strength of will when we are motivated.

One of the people in the documentary is Julia Butterly Hill who sat in a redwood for 2 years to save it from being cut down. She stayed even as she saw the forest being cut down around her. She stayed after a friend was crushed by a falling tree. She stayed and she saved the tree, Luna.

What do you care about enough to create no matter the obstacle? What's most important to you? Finding a man or making a difference? I hope you're with me and choose the latter. We can cut a huge swath through this crazy world together!

You are so inspiring to me, my kitties. Go shine your light, live your dreams. Be beautiful, Be you. We are what the world needs!

Hugs and kisses.

www.thebadkitty.com

A Reminder

2009-07-16T19:52:00.000-07:00

As an "expert" I sometimes feel like I have things pretty together. Still, once in awhile I run into a situation that reminds me where I came from and that the old patterns can raise their ugly heads.

I was at a tradeshow on the weekend. The table beside me was for a furnace company. You would expect the people working it would most likely be men. At the start of the day, an older, very friendly and lovely woman was manning it. An hour later, her partner joined her. A tall, willowy, puffy lipped, tightly clothed younger woman. This is the kind of woman that would make most other women feel insecure.

All of a sudden I felt my own sense of self have a hiccup. I was no longer the tallest, one of the things that are noticed about me. I wasn't the best dressed. I could easily be overlooked with the could be model next to me. It took a little time for me to swallow my pride and hold my virtual breath to calm the self hiccup. When I finally talked to my perceived nemesis, she, of course, turned out to be lovely, friendly and down to earth.

I was reminded that we all have our moments of feeling less than confident and to be more patient with people when they are in that space. Usually all it takes is a move away from that space with something simple like I did with talking to Erica, but sometimes it takes a fair bit of fortitude to take that step.

There will always be things that come about to test us. To test our growth. To test our integrity. To test our commitment. The question is, what will you do about it?

I've been struggling lately with some personal depression which has made it hard to get things completed. However, I continue to move forward, no matter how tiny the steps. The key is to acknowledge those steps and celebrate them.

Remind yourself that you are growing. Take the time to look back and see how far you've come. Let the hiccups happen, swallow them down and keep going. You - and I - are doing great!

Keep saying your mantra - BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU!

Let's dance together in celebration of our progress!

www.thebigkitty.com

I'm excited

2009-07-04T10:22:00.001-07:00

I hope others will be as excited as I am! I have finished the first draft of my book. It's been a ride. The last bit has been especially hard. I realized a week or so ago that I was avoiding finishing because of all the work I'll have to do now that it's "done". The editing, the redrafting, the finding of editors, publishers, etc. The fighting with others who may "know better" to keep true to my vision. And it's going to be a great discovery process so that when I do book #2 about the Sensual personalities, it'll be that much easier!

Here is a piece of the final chapter for you to enjoy. Watch out for THE BAD KITTY HANDBOOK coming to a store near you!

Hugs to all you beautiful kitties out there. Thank you for your support. Love you all!

Living your Authentic Sensuality is easy – and not so easy:
- Be gentle with yourself. Life can get hard. You will experience setbacks. Know that it's all part of the process.
- Celebrate your success.
- Be easy on yourself in your struggles.
- Recognize the stories you tell yourself. Are they serving you or destroying you?
- Speak up for yourself.
- Be present at all times.
- Act in spite of fear.
- Look to your Sensual heroes. Use chapter 3 for examples.
- Remember what makes you happy, what drives you and live by it.
- Share your passion with the world.
- Do what satisfies you first.
- Keep your tank full!
- Take plenty of me time.
- Be aware of your patterns and filters. Use the ones that serve you, discard the ones that don't.
- Above all, love yourself.

You are so amazing. As you discover more and more about yourself as you go along your journey, you will realize just how amazing you are.

You are lovable.

You are worthy.

You are YOU!

Thank you for being you. Your light shines brightly in the world. Keep it out there for all to see. BE BEAUTIFUL, my dear, BE YOU.

www.thebadkitty.com

Sensual Sexuality

2009-06-15T20:54:00.000-07:00

Another excerpt from my almost finished book:

Because Sensuality and Sexuality are so closely related, one of the first parts we women shut down when we go into the overwhelm, martyr state is our Sexuality. It leads to a cascade reaction of shutting everything else down as well. When you're not fully present and feeling in one area, it affects all.

This is a big subject and could be a book in itself. Let's do our best to keep it simple. Sex is a super-charged subject in our society. Mention homosexuality, pre-marital sex, extra-marital sex, fetishes, prostitution or anything else to do with the larger subject of sex, and you're bound to get a lively reaction. People will be immediately engaged and wanting to express opinions, others will shut down and want to change the subject. No matter what, there will be a reaction.

In reality, it's like the word fuck – it's not inherently a good or bad thing, it's simply there and it's what we create around it that makes it good or bad in our minds. It's surrounded by standards. Whether you're brought up in a religious, secular or hippie home there are expectations and standards communicated verbally and by example all around. We take on these standards naturally and begin to believe they are right without testing them.

Then, we start to explore our sexuality, we start to get into relationships and discover that not everyone has the same feelings and standards around sex. We may also discover that what we've learned is becoming a little confusing because it doesn't match with reality. And then add some overwhelm and disenchantment with the way our lives are going and it's no wonder that we close down or give little attention to our sexual side.

It took a long time for me to really grasp my sexuality, which meant I had to tap into my sensuality first. Now, my sexuality is an integral and integrated part of me. I'm clear on what I need – and what I don't, like marriage. I'm clear on what I like. I'm more willing to try new things. I'm no longer embarrassed by being sexual. I'm comfortable in my body and although it's far from perfect, I love being naked. I enjoy multiple partners. I've discovered that I'm bi and love women almost as much as men. I like groups, BDSM and anal. All of these things I wouldn't have even considered had I stayed stuck in the standards of others. And oh how much pleasure I would have missed!

Without knowing your full expression through Authentic Sensuality, you may be putting on a false Sexuality. My authentic sexuality is different than yours. Like all other areas of your life, you need to be clear on who you are, what you want and communicate it effectively in order to live authentically.

When I see people come out to clubs and sit in a corner until they've had a few to become “comfortable” with flirting and dirty dancing I know that that is not their authenticity. It may be part of them, but they have not come to a place that they can express it honestly yet. They still feel they need a little extra courage. Until you can express your desires in all areas of your life, especially sexually, straight and unencumbered by manufactured confidence, you aren't Authentic.

There are so many aspects to Sexuality. Have fun with it. Explore, be in the moment. Like everything else in your life, it's simply a part of your full expression. Until you allow it to be real for you you cannot be fully Authentic in your Sensuality.

Remember, gorgeous kitties - Be Beautiful, Be YOU!

www.thebadkitty.com

Axioms

2009-06-06T14:41:00.000-07:00

An excerpt from my book, THE BAD KITTY HANDBOOK:

One key to living authentically is to stop blaming, being the victim or ignoring what is really going on. Our society is so geared to the blame game. It's taken away our ownership as well as our power over our lives.

How many times have you heard, or said yourself:
- It's my mom's fault.
- If my husband had treated me better, I wouldn't be like this.
- Everyone treats me badly.
- You're making me so angry.
- My life stinks because I can't get a good job.
- Things just happen, I can't help it.
- I can't have a good relationship because my whole family is messed up.
- I'm late because of the traffic.
And many more excuses for why we do things, are the way we are or feel the way we feel.

I have good news for you – you are in complete control of it all! Our circumstances only control us as much as we allow them. Have you ever heard of a little something called choice? Yes, we do have it in every situation.

But I have no control over traffic! Yes, you're right. You do have a choice in how you react to it. You have a choice in checking the traffic report before you leave and knowing to leave extra time during rush hour.

But I have no control over how my parents raised me! Yes, you're right. You do have a choice in how you live your life, whether you use your experiences to grow or be stuck, whether you see things in a positive or negative light, whether you decide to move on and leave the pain behind.

But I have no control over what others do to me! Yes, you're right. You do have a choice in whether you allow them to treat you poorly. You have a choice in your reactions. You decide if you stay in a state of anger or irritation or if you move away from it.

There is ALWAYS a choice!

There are three axioms for living a life of choice.

1.A THING IS WHAT IT IS.
We label many things. We call a thing we sit on a chair. What is it really? Two pieces of wood nailed together at a 90 degree angle with 4 sticks nailed to the bottom corners of one of the pieces. It's wood, varnish or paint, nails and glue. That is truly what it is.

We label emotions. Sometimes we feel queasy in the stomach, tingly in the skin, a little light headed and, depending on the situation, we label it nervous or excited. Actually, the feeling is exactly the same, it's just what we decide to call it.

The first axiom is about simply seeing things as they are at the most basic. No labels, no layering of expectation or distortion from those filters we talked about before. See it for what it really is.

2.OWN IT AND BE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT AS IT IS.
For the chair, it is solid. If you try to punch it, you will hurt your hand. If you turn it on it's side and step on one of the legs, it will probably break. Trying to sit on the poky side will hurt or at least not be terribly comfortable. If you throw it at the wall, it may break and the wall will certainly be worse for wear.

When you are in a situation that starts to push some buttons emotionally, realize you are allowing yourself to feel as you feel. Someone else isn't “making” you angry, you are simply angry. Own that emotion. It's yours. The situation may bring up some things that you haven't dealt with or remind you of another time when similar emotions occurred. And they are YOUR emotions. Own it and be responsible for it. No one can “make” you feel anything. It's your very own special feeling.

3.CREATE WHAT YOU WANT.
We may call that collection of planks and sticks a chair, but it can be so much more! It can be a space ship, throw a blanket over it and make a fort, a stepstool, a zoo for your stuffed animals, part of a maze. You are only limited by your imagination. Ask any child what possibilities there are to create from a chair. How many kids will put a toy aside and play with the box it came in? That is creating what you want. The box has way more possibilities!

When it comes to emotions, it can be a little trickier until you get the hang of it. To clarify, it's not about being enlightened and somehow above feeling. That's skipping to the end of the process and it will eventually come back and bite your ass. Rather, it's about acknowledging the feeling – step 2 – rather than glossing over it or pretending it doesn't exist or that you're somehow “above” these emotions, especially the ones we deem “negative” like anger.

In truth, no emotion is negative, it's what you do with it that can have poor consequences. So take how you're feeling, own it and then decide what you are going to do with it. Are you going to channel it in a way that serves or hurts you? Are you going to decide to sit and stew in it or express it and be done with it? It's up to you.

www.thebadkitty.com

Great News!

2009-05-25T14:24:00.001-07:00

I got some exciting news last week. In case you don't recognize the woman who's not me in the picture, she is Lisa Nichols. She is one of the contributors to the movie/book sensation, THE SECRET. She also has her own book out recently called NO MATTER WHAT. For more info on Lisa go to her website www.lisa-nichols.com.

Lisa is a powerful speaker with an amazing story. I had the pleasure of meeting her at an event I went to in March in Lake Tahoe. There were many inspiring people there, including Micheal Drew (also pictured) who has helped 50 out of 50 books he's worked with enter the publishing world at #1. There were also many amazing "regular" folk there as well.

Two were Angela Johnson and Spring Allen (pictured). These amazing women from Utah were putting together a 3 day Women's event in Salt Lake. We spoke briefly about my presenting, but there were some concerns about my subject matter creating ripples in the largely Mormon community. But, when I found out Lisa Nichols was going to be keynote, I decided that I absolutely HAD to be there!

The speakers application - something I had never had to put together before - asked for several things that I had to create including a recording of me, outlines for the session(s) I wished to present and a resume. I gulped, took a deep breath and made it happen.

Last week, I got the final news - I have been invited to do not only one but TWO break out sessions at the event. I was bouncing up and down so hard in my computer chair I thought it might break and squealing so much, I expected dogs at my door in response.

This is the power of THE SECRET. Picture what you want, then take the actions to make them happen! The universe knows I'm serious about helping women BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU and is responding to my actions in that direction.

I hope to see some of you in Salt Lake in August at the Illuminated Women event. It's going to be a blast. How can it not be, I'm going to be there!

www.thebadkitty.com

Touch vs. Feel

2009-05-22T14:14:00.000-07:00

First let me express some frustration with You Tube - or perhaps my knowledge of it. I wanted to find a specific ad to give you a link and I just can't find it! After 1/2 an hour of looking it still eludes me. I found spoofs, but not the actual ad. Is that common or is it just me?

So a description will have to suffice: recently a tissue ad came out (does the fact that I can't remember the brand hurt my search??) featuring a woman going through life going "Touch", "Touch" everytime her hand reaches for something. She, like most of us, is rushing through her life barely registering what she's coming into contact with. Then she comes to the tissue box. She reaches and the word changes to "FEEL". In that moment she takes a moment to stop and actually experience what she's holding.

That is Sensuality. Taking the time to stop for a moment and actually notice with what and whom you are interacting. We get our lives so full that we forget to be present.

I was at a tea shop the other day and a woman was sitting alone. My companion struck up a conversation with her. It turned out she had just moved to town. She was lonely and enjoying her apple carmel pie all alone. She was so excited to chat and ask questions about the city and to get to know new people. In that moment, we were all in the FEEL state. We were completely present and open to whatever may come - no agenda, no rush, just what was there in that slice of time.

Living an Authentically Sensual life means expressing your truth in every moment. Being present and aware at all times. It's about FEELING.

What are you going to take the time to fully experience today?

www.thebadkitty.com

Relax, already!

2009-05-02T09:44:00.001-07:00

I'm not very political. I recently filled out a dating profile that had a section on "most favorite" and "least favorite" things. In the former there was a segment for "Political Figure". My answer to it was "can I put this in the least favorite category?" I'm not politically active. I vote, but any time a conversation turns to politics, I tend to tune out, move on or go as quickly as possible in the other direction.

Part of politics is telling the public what they should be concerned about. Two big things have happened this year to make us panic - the recession and swine flu. Or at least the powers that be tell us that we should be panicking. I have no problem with being aware of what's going on in the world, but come on, if we weren't so focused on such things, they wouldn't be so big!

If we hadn't dwelt on the recession for the last 4 months, people wouldn't be as uptight as they are about their jobs and their lives in general. We've been through this many times before, and we've survived. And those with some foresight and positive thinking have actually made the best of it. Some of the most successful business such as FedEx were formed during recessions.

The best thing about the H2N1 or swine flu is that we've stopped talking about the recession. But I mean, really, 1000's of people die every year from flu, and this one has people freaking out. School boards are canceling trips to places like Spokane. People are running to the doctor with so much as a small cough. Yes, take precautions. Don't go to Mexico for a bit, wash your hands (as you should anyway) but keep living!

So let's all take a moment to breathe. Relax. See the positive side of things. Smile. Take a look at all the good in your life. Be thankful for your health, your prosperity (yes, we are still prosperous), the possibilities of life. Embrace your loved ones, call an old friend, make a new friend. Enjoy the gorgeous spring weather. Life is too short to worry about things beyond your control. Do what you can and let the rest of the chips fall where they may.

You deserve the good things, so focus on them and they will come to you.

www.thebadkitty.com

Susan and Tori

2009-04-22T20:38:00.000-07:00

Two things have happened in the last week that clearly illustrate how easy it is to prejudge people.

The first is Susan Boyle. She became an overnight sensation after appearing on "Britain's Got Talent". If you haven't seen her yet, she has become so popular that all you have to do is enter "Susan" in Google and she will turn up in the top 5! This week over a 2 hour period, she was tweeted over 700 times. In moments Susan went from a frumpy nobody to a celebrity.

She's a demonstration of how we judge on looks. Due to her appearance and nonchalant attitude, she was judged to be untalented. When she opened her mouth to sing, all judgments turned around in a heartbeat. That woman can SING! Her lack of glamour held her back until she managed to demonstrate to the world the beauty hidden behind bushy eyebrows.

I've always been a big fan of stories like "The Ugly Duckling", "Cyrano DeBergerac" and "The Elephant Man" about immense beauty hidden by an ugly exterior. We all have the beauty, we just need to be willing to see past the package.

I also heard an interview with Tori Spelling this week. I've had the impression of her being a spoiled Hollywood, not too bright, brat. She is actually intelligent, grounded and delightful.

The opposite of Susan Boyle in almost every way, Tori's prejudgment lies in the fact that she is TOO well known. When we see celebrities, we think we know who they are because of what we see on a screen or read in a magazine without really taking the time to see them for who they are.

It's so easy to make generalizations based on minimal information. This illustrates the need to be willing to see the whole picture rather than filling in the holes on our own.

We are all prone to making these judgments. It's human, so don't beat yourself up over it. However, please be aware of the tendency and be willing to get more complete information about people. It's worth it to see people for their full selves.

It's only fair to see the beauty in others, as we have so much beauty to share ourselves that we want others to see.

Live your life BE BEAUTFUL, BE YOU and remember that everyone else is the same!

www.thebadkitty.com

Crazy

2009-04-09T08:38:00.000-07:00

Ladies, I think we're all a little crazy. I know I am anyway.

Crazy about shoes. Crazy about men. Crazy about pink and purple. Crazy about my 3 year old niece. Crazy about Pad Thai. Crazy about great sex. Crazy about seeing women come out of their shells. Crazy about learning. Crazy about a great hug. Crazy about beautiful things - art, furniture, music. Crazy about dancing. Crazy about theatre. Crazy about a full body laugh. Crazy about my kitties. Crazy about cherries. Crazy about river rafting. Crazy about growth - literal and figurative. Crazy about life!

What are you crazy about? What makes you tick? What makes your skin tingle - not crawl, tingle! It's easy to get caught up in the every day of life and forget about those things that you love. Laundry, meals, cleaning, driving the kids to and fro, work, shoveling snow (thank you for spring!!), bills.... it goes on and on.

It's spring. Here in good old cold 6 months of the year Edmonton, the snow is going fast. Only 2 weeks ago we had a spring snow storm and now I can see most of my lawn. The soccer players are already checking to see how soon the fields will be dry enough to play. People are walking around with open jackets and getting out the motorcycles. Talk of getting away from the cold is being postponed for another few months and summer getaways and camping trips are on the mind. Spring skiing is making the board monkeys grin.

Spring is the time to clean up, to look forward, to blossom. What better time to contemplate what really makes you crazy. Take a pen and paper out on the deck in the sun and reflect. What are the things that get you excited, that make you smile, that make you want to jump out of bed in the morning.

Notice how just writing these things down makes you feel lighter. Now imagine how you'll feel actually DOING some of them! Make a commitment to do at least one thing on your list every week. They don't have to be big things. Some of the things on my list above can be accomplished in moments. Just imagine how different life would be if you did those little things more often!

You deserve to enjoy your life. Make a little effort and eventually it'll become a habit. Enjoying the things that you're crazy about - what a way to live!

Recognizing those things you love will help you BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU. When we enjoy life, everything changes from how we look to our attitudes.

Ladies, be crazy with me! Just let it out, it's a blast! Let's play in the spring puddles. Say it with me: WOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

www.thebadkitty.com

Barbie

2009-03-11T07:41:00.000-07:00

Barbie turned 50 this week. The iconic doll that has been played with by thousands of girls is an old lady. Boy, she ages well!

There are many debates around the influence of Barbie on our body image. I think she's given too much credit. However, I don't deny that there is some connection.

I heard an incredible story about the creator of Barbie this week. She was designed by Jack Ryan. His partner from Mattel at the time is often given credit for the design, however she only gave him the idea of creating a "grown up" doll. Up until then all dolls in North America were baby dolls. She had seen a doll with breasts in Germany and wanted something similar.

Jack designed Barbie after his ideal woman. After this was done, he also started to create dolls in real life. He expected the women in his life to undergo extensive plastic surgery to look like Barbie. One of his 5 wives died of anorexia and heart disease as a result of trying to have an unrealistic waistline. He even redesigned his Rolls so that the passenger seat swiveled backwards. He would then have friends sit in the back and have his latest "Barbie" in the car naked and turned backwards so that they could admire her.

Yes, this is all an outrage. Yes, there are still some women who voluntarily go through surgery and other insanity to look like the doll. All of this is outrageous, ridiculous, sad and makes me angry.

What makes me just as angry is that we ALLOW people to create this mentality in us. What makes a woman have such a low opinion of herself that she would stay with a man who insists she become not only someone she isn't but someone who is not even remotely realistic?

Ladies, how many times have you in big and small ways allowed other people to say you weren't good enough and tried to change yourself to their expectations? How many times have you thought you weren't good enough in the body you have, the mind you have, the thoughts you have?

IT'S TIME TO STOP!!!!

The beauty of life is variety. The beauty of life is truth. The beauty of life is real! It's time to own you. It's time to BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU !

You are lovable as you are. You are BEAUTIFUL as you are. STOP TELLING YOURSELF ANY DIFFERENT!

Love you all - be YOU!

www.thebadkitty.com

Vagina, Vagina, Vagina

2009-02-28T07:49:00.000-08:00

Today I am participating in a production of The Vagina Monologues. For those who haven't seen or heard of it - the latter which amazes me when I run into people like that - The Vagina Monologues is a show written by Eve Ensler. It began when she did over 200 interviews with women about their vaginas. It became a powerful book and play which is now done all over for fundraisers for women's charities. In Edmonton alone, it is being done 4 times this year.

The show alternates between hilarious and heart breaking. The stories range from a 6 year old girl saying her vagina has a really big brain and smells like snowflakes, to an old lady who has "closed it up down there" since accidentally "flooding" all over a boyfriend's brand new leather car seat to women abused in wartime.

The first time I did the show I had the privilege of doing the monologue "The woman who loved to make vaginas happy" about a sex worker who works with women and helps them find their moan. It's a killer, hilarious piece. This year I have a few lines in the show, but have the best moan in this piece. The woman recites the different types of moans women make. We love to make noise! Mine is the Militant Bisexual Moan which stops the show momentarily for laughter and applause.

This show makes me think yet again about how important it is for women to be free to be themselves. Like the monologue says, some women repress their moans. And we repress so many more aspects of ourselves to be "acceptable". When we suppress, we repress and we forget to stand up for ourselves.

The Vagina Monologues is an empowering piece reminding us that we have power and that when that power is ignored or allowed to be trampled, we become victims in subtle and obvious ways.

So, ladies, own your Vagina! Own your power! Own yourself! Be heard! BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU!!!

www.thebadkitty.com

Happy Birth-entines-day

2009-02-18T09:19:00.000-08:00

It was my birthday on the weekend. Thank you, thank you for all your well wishes.

I have a challenge around my birthday. Like those children born right around Christmas who often have no birthday celebration, mine is the day before Valentine's so I often get one or the other or a combination.

When I was a kid I had hearts and cupids decorations for my birthday. My mom really wanted a Valentine's baby and just missed, so she made up for it with red decor. When I started dating, I often missed out on having both days honored. Being the day before the "big" one, it was easier to take me out for my birthday as most people would be going out the next day. One gift would do. Flowers were rarely given because they're so ridiculously expensive.

I met a young woman recently who had the same birthday. I asked her if she had heart decorations for her parties. No, she said, her mom was always very adamant that she understand - and that the men in her life understand - that the two days are totally separate and should be treated as such. Good on ya, mom.

It wasn't until my 40's that I found a man who got it. I not only got a birthday and Valentine's dinner, but I received a beautiful bouquet and handmade chocolates on Valentine's in addition to the earrings for my birthday! Thank you so much, even though we're not together anymore, that year was very special.

It's so easy to take things that have been as the way they are. And, remarkably, when you change your expectations, you find those that will rise to the occasion. It's called the Law of Attraction or, more recently, The Secret. It's all about attracting what you want through your thoughts and energy.

I got what I wanted this year. I had a great birthday and a great Valentine's Day despite being single. The latter didn't include a romantic dinner and expensive chocolate, and it was great fun.

The same is happening in all areas of my life. The clearer I get on what I want, the faster it comes. I'm amazed almost every day at the things that are coming up. It's an exciting journey. I hope you'll continue to let me share it with you.

www.thebadkitty.com

The Journey

2009-02-11T09:15:00.000-08:00

I'm a little behind on my blog. I have a really good reason. I just love the picture of that fabulous shoe and I couldn't bear to bump it down!

Actually that's not it. I've been working on my book. THE BAD KITTY HANDBOOK is starting to take shape and it's very exciting.

I had this thing in my head that I can't work with an outline. I was all over the place with my book - writing down an idea or a section here or there with no plan. To make it even worse I didn't have a regular writing time.

Finally I gave in and listened to others. I created chapters and set aside specific times to write. Wow, listening to advice can be valuable sometimes! Having those chapters has made a world of difference. I still do a lot of free form and my ideas come in the moment to be reworked later - much like this blog - but now I have a map.

Maps are good things. I do like to get lost sometimes. I find it fun to explore and discover. To find a new way to get back to where I need to be. I have a GPS now so am much less likely to take those meandering moments, and I miss them. So why did I say maps are good? When you absolutely MUST get somewhere with a time restraints, maps are the best!

I want to get my book done. I don't want to meander around my brain forever. I want to share my thoughts and insights with you. And I want to make money! Without a map that may have happened - someday - but with the map it is sure to happen. And the plan is that by the end of the year THE BAD KITTY HANDBOOK will be ready for publication.

Wow, that's way different than someday!

Within the map I still have some room for detours and to play with the ideas and change them up as the creative spirit sparks.

When I travel I have a loose plan. I have certain things I want to see and do. I'm not good at sitting on the beach or by the pool. I want to experience! Within that I go with the moment. When I was in San Diego a few years ago there were many things to see and do. I spent a full day each in the historic gas lamp district, at the zoo, in Balboa Park and on Coronado Island. I could have taken a tour and seen all that and more in a day. But I would have missed out on the quiet times, the discovery and all the great photos.

Life has a map. We all want to get somewhere and experience things. Keep those goals and dreams in mind. And remember to have fun along the way!

Be Beautiful, my lovlies, be YOU!

www.thebadkitty.com

Shoes

2009-01-14T10:00:00.000-08:00

Recently I went to the best museum display ever - SHOES! It was called "Heights of Fashion. A History of the Elevated Foot". As soon as I heard about it there was no way I was going to miss it!

I wasn't always a shoe nut. When I was younger we weren't well off (read as an understatement) and when I hit my teens I had to buy all my own clothes with my babysitting money. For a good portion of my adult life (so far) I worked at low wage jobs. So pretty shoes weren't a priority. Plus, I have larger, wide feet so it was hard to find pretty shoes that fit, especially in my price range.

When Payless came to town, I was in heaven. Cheap shoes that fit!!! Now I can afford better shoes and, as a friend commented one day, I have a shoe shrine in my front entry. Not to mention the ones in my closet that are put away according to season. I have become a "typical" girl who loves a gorgeous shoe. Having something beautiful on my feet makes a difference in the way I feel from the top of my blonde and purple head to the tip of my finely adorned toes.

Shoes have been a remarkable barometer of society over the centuries. From men wearing heels to show their status in the Victorian era to the subdued shoes embossed with simple items like rope in the 30s, the look-at-me shoes of the 70s and the sleek classics of today, shoes have reflected the mood of the culture.

Two things that stood out to me were boots in the 1890's. This is a time when women could not show an ankle as it was too distracting for the horny men. So to tease a little, boots were created that were one color along the sole and another half way up the foot. This created the illusion of seeing stocking. They also created boots with considerable embossment to encourage looking at the leg. Cheeky! Naughty without being naughty. Who knew there were BAD KITTIES in the 1900s!

During the suffragette movement there was a lot of concern about women becoming more like men. Sound familiar? This is an ongoing concern - do we have to be men to function in a man's world? Let me pose this quote to you:
"By the turn of the 20th century social and political opportunities for women rose dramatically and women began to participate in what had previously been masculine privilege. They did so, however, WEARING HEELS. As clear signifiers of female gender, high heels helped to counter arguments that new freedoms could only be gained at the loss of femininity. By the 20s the heels and hemlines of flappers had reached new heights as had the opportunities available to women."

Wonderful! We are who we are and we don't have to become something else - another gender - or someone else to succeed!!!

THE POWER OF SHOES! As Marilyn Munroe said, "I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot."

All girls celebrate, pull out your best heels and kick them up. You deserve it. BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU and enjoy your BAD KITTY in heels!

www.thebadkitty.com

One Day

2009-01-07T07:58:00.000-08:00

As I've said before, I love men. I love having them in my life. Some of my best friends are men. I love having them around to talk to and for much more fun things. My life would be considerably less interesting without men. That said, one thing is becoming increasingly clear:

Men just don't get it.

Most of the women readers are going - I know, I know! I don't mean in general, though, I mean specifically about my business. In general most men are pretty savvy about the things men are savvy about. And some about many more things as well. When it comes to my business, though, they are single minded, and not in the right direction. Their train goes to one place and stays there.

I've been asked many times if I'll include men in my business. Usually I answer, maybe eventually. The true answer is, very unlikely.

When I talk to men about my business all they see is how it can get them laid more. The word Sensuality turns into Sexuality in their mind and their words. They see women tramping around in high heels and short skirts coming onto them. They see the Hollywood stripper in their bedroom.

Sorry, boys - er - men. That's not what it's all about.

Ladies, I want to release you from that image. In order to be attractive and enjoy your life, you need to BE YOU! Everyone is beautiful when they are being true to themselves. No matter what the current ideal is, you are beautiful when you are comfortable in your own skin.

Some of you, when you regain your confidence and your zest for life may want to wear heels and short skirts. Wonderful.

I certainly have grown very fond of the heel. When I was a teen I would wear high heels. Eventually I let all those people who said, "you're already so tall, why are you wearing heels?" get to me. I became afraid to stand out anymore than I already did at 6'. I became afraid of making men feel short so that they wouldn't ask me out. Surprise, they didn't anyway! Not because of my height but because I was hiding myself. Now I wear heels nearly everyday, sometimes as tall as 4" and enjoy every minute of it!

My motto has become, why play small? I am here to inspire others to be fully themselves, so my playing small doesn't serve that purpose.

On the same note, why worry about being misunderstood? Whether it's a man thinking that I'm trying to turn all women into hot, sex hungry hookers or women who think that I'm encouraging loose activity or many other thoughts people have around THE BAD KITTY, it doesn't mean I should dilute or back away from my mission.

Did Edison stay in the dark? Did Ben Franklin take his kite and go home when the neighbors laughed at him in the rain? Did Galileo pretend the sun revolved around the earth just because he was put prison by fearful zealots? Did Oprah sit on her butt when she was told there were no successful black women on TV? Did Mother Teresa stop when faced with the possibility of contracting one of the many illnesses of those she was helping? The examples are endless.

I have a quote in my office: "Do something that nobody else has done, something that will DAZZLE the world!"

One day THE BAD KITTY will be a well known entity. It may still be misunderstood by some, but the word will be out there for anyone who cares to learn. People will want to know the key to JOY POWER. And they'll know what it means! People will shun the concept of conventional beauty. Or maybe the concept will change... wouldn't that be something! Women the world over will own the phrase BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU.

Will you be part of the beginning of a revolution? It's going to be a great ride!

www.thebadkitty.com

Newness

2008-12-31T08:05:00.000-08:00

Here we go - the New Year will be upon us in about 15 hours. We always make such a big deal about the New Year. You've probably read or come across, as I have, many articles or news bits on Top 10 lists, drinking and driving, making resolutions, party lists (most of them ridiculously expensive) and more.

When I thought about writing today, I thought that I'd give some thoughts on how to bring your sensual BAD KITTY self into the New Year. But, you know what, this is an arbitrary day. Other cultures don't even have the same New Year as we do. The Chinese New Year is late January or early February. Pagans celebrate spring as the New Year - which actually makes much more sense than the middle of a cold, snowy winter. So why should January 1 be so special?

I've never been one to make resolutions. I watch others around me make resolutions every year and see them make the same one the following year because the resolve died in the first few weeks of the year. How many of you have made or have seen someone make that resolution to "lose 20-30-50-100 pounds this year" and in June they are unwilling to put on a bathing suit because they are still carrying the weight? And, they did the same thing for the last 5 years. On top of that, the number of pounds to lose has probably increased each year.

I'm not against setting goals or intentions, not by a long shot. But this setting a big goal - or resolution - just because it's the start of the year with no plan for actually making it work thinking that this time it's going to work because, well, it just has to, doesn't work!

My thought for the New Year is GO EASY ON YOURSELF! Leave the resolution hype to others, refuse to get caught up in it. Instead, sit down soberly and make realistic goals. Put a timeline on it and then set smaller goals every week towards it. Find a partner or friend who you can check in with to be accountable to for your weekly small goals. Give yourself some sort of consequence if you don't do your smaller goals.

For example, my big goal for 2009 is to finish my book - THE BAD KITTY HANDBOOK.
Timeline: to finish it by the end of July 2009
Smaller Goals: will change slightly from week to week, but one firm one that I have already been doing for a couple of months is to write for one hour twice a week. As I get closer to completion things like looking for editors, having readings, looking for publishers, etc, will start to come into the weekly goals.
Partner: I have a partner who I speak to every Monday at 9am. We go over our goals for the week and our successes for the past week. Always remember to celebrate your successes!
Consequence: My partner and I have an agreement that if we don't finish our goals for the week we will pay the other $50. It's amazing how motivating that is!

The key to any goal is taking steps. I've had the idea for my book for almost 2 years. I did some chipping away at it now and then, which honestly was very sporadic. I was waiting for inspiration. It wasn't until I made a definite commitment to work on it regularly that things started to come together. I suddenly had a structure, a great title, the opportunity to work with a published author who is currently working on a new project and another woman who is working on a book and is about to start looking for publishers.

Firm steps create amazing opportunities!

I encourage all my BAD KITTIES to be bold in making goals all year long. Be sure they are SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely/Tangible goals. Go to this site for more information on SMART goals.

You can all do great things. All you need to do is take the first steps!

I'd love to hear from you all as to what goals you are working toward this year. Feel free to email me at christie@beingsensual.com to share. You are allowed to revise, add or subtract goals anytime. Feel free to share about that as well. It's liberating to know that if something isn't working, you can correct and continue. No guilt. We give ourselves enough of that!

Remember to show your JOY POWER - no guilt. Be true to your deepest inner self when you make goals so that you can continue to BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU.

Love you all and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

www.thebadkitty.com

Epiphany

2008-12-20T13:53:00.000-08:00

I had a moment of clarity the other day. A lot of the people I talk to about the BAD KITTY concept are men. So many people in business are men, so when I go to networking events and anything business related, I often end up with a lot of men in the room.

I was at an event this week and had a man say to me - it's hard to explain what you do (true), so how are women going to come to you?

I've heard similar objections before, almost exclusively from men. I realized something. Men and women are different. Yes, an amazing revelation, I know. One way we're different is that men, in general, need the facts and women, in general, trust their emotion and intuition. If a woman trusts you, likes you and feels comfortable with you and you reach her heart, she will trust you.

At that same event, I had several women come up to me to ask further questions and made an amazing possible joint venture partner connection. Men are titillated - one came up with the usual "can I watch" question after my elevator speech. Women are curious and drawn in because they see something they identify with, someone they'd like to get to know better and that makes them want to explore.

As my vision and experience with the BAD KITTY gets bigger and clearer, it will be easier to draw in my target market - women. Men will still need to understand it but that's OK, they can just enjoy the benefits of hundreds of happy women running around!

I've also met two women in the last week who totally get what I'm doing. I said a little, and they filled in all the blanks. They were the ones who went on and on about sensuality and how we need it and how it's about how we interact with the world and how you can't truly express it until you know yourself. Thank you Lisa-Marie and Katya! You affirmed that I am going in the right direction. And it's so exciting to meet others who see things like I do. Hugs to both of you.

Happy, happy holidays gorgeous BAD KITTIES. Love you all!

www.thebadkitty.com

It's Christmas Time - EEP!

2008-12-11T08:08:00.000-08:00

Christmas is around the corner. How many of you, like me, have barely given it a thought? I'm sure I'm not alone! I set up my tree. Yeah for me. I have gifts for my favorite niece (yes, I have a favorite - be honest, we all do!), but beyond that, I have no clue what's next. My family hasn't even decided where we're having Christmas dinner. Yep, you guessed it, we're really good at planning ahead!

There are sometimes benefits to being less structured. It leaves room for surprises. It opens the door for the unexpected. It can also cause unneeded stress, especially at this time of year. This is the time when I field the question, "What are you doing for the holidays?" over and over. I sigh and say, "No idea." Inside, I'm thinking someone really should get on that.

I'm the only unmarried sibling so thankfully I don't have the added stress of whose family to spend the big day with. I also don't have kids so another level of craziness is removed. My cats really don't care.

I begin to think, if I can get stressed without kids, husband and in-laws to worry about, how about the thousands of women out there who do! Yikes, do I feel for you. I can only begin to imagine what it's like. I was married what seems like a million years ago (actually only 12) and I - vaguely - remember the joy of deciding every year which family to spend time with.

The worst was the year we decided to meld both families. It wasn't one of those crazy movie moments with food throwing, outrageous fights and a beautiful making up at the end. What we did have was my sister going to the hospital for stitches when she cut herself instead of the carrot. The in-laws didn't show up until 5 minutes before dinner - for some reason they didn't feel the urge to spend any extra time with us. And, worst, the driest turkey in the universe.

I'm a good cook. Nothing gourmet, but good, solid, everyday food. Turkey really is not as hard as some people like to make it out to be. That year my mom decided we should try a different way to do turkey - rather than roasting it the old fashioned way, we should steam it. The process is to cover the bird with foil and cook it at 425 and remove the foil 1/2 an hour before serving to brown - no basting and monitoring required. My bird apparently didn't like the steaming process and kicked the foil off at some point. When I went to remove the foil, it was already off and the bird was dry as a bone and all the drippings were evaporated. Lovely! We made gravy from boullion and kitchen bouquet for the first time ever and salvaged what we could.

This is the time of year when we women go most into martyr mode. We have to make sure everyone is happy. We buy all the gifts because hubby will never get it right. We buy all the groceries because it's just easier than explaining to someone else what we need. We do all the wrapping because the kids will make a mess. We do all the cleaning, planning, execution. We make ourselves insane!

Would it really be the end of the world if we had fresh cranberries or canned? Would the house come crashing down if the toilet isn't spotless? Would there be endless tears if the kids got the wrong video game? Would the in-laws be disgusted if their gift's bow wasn't perfectly centered?

Let's give ourselves a break. Take time to breath. Take time to enjoy those around you. Take time to caress your husband and tuck in your children. Yes, I know it's hard, but STOP! Look around, make a list. Prioritize, delegate and remove what isn't absolutely necessary.

Remember, this is a time of celebration and joy. The memories are made around the time spent, not the money spent. Unexpected events make great stories when handled with a sense of humor.

Stay in touch with your JOY POWER. Feel the joy of the season. Enjoy the Christmas Carols instead of reviling them. Smile at people. Let someone else have that last bag of cranberries and go buy a can.

Your enjoyment of this time is in your hands. Remember your BAD KITTY wants to play and if she doesn't, she'll get grumpy! No one likes a grumpy kitty on Christmas.

www.thebadkitty.com

Suggestions

2008-12-04T10:23:00.000-08:00

In conjunction with the new branding (see Meow), I need a new picture.

Any ideas? No catsuits, please. Use your creativity.

I'll send the best idea my eBook "30 Days to Sensuality" as a thank you!

Meow

2008-12-04T07:57:00.000-08:00

What a difference a week makes!

Last week I met with (yet another) coach. This one is one of those coaches that, in general, I would never get to talk to as his fee for an hour is about what I make in a month! When I get an opportunity to talk to someone like that in person for free, you can bet I'll jump on it!

This last quarter I've been working on a couple of principles. One is "Kill the Turtle" - stop procrastinating, jump in and git 'er done! The amount that I've accomplished these last couple of months with that in mind has been truly staggering. There are things that have been on my to do list for many months that are finally done. I have curtains up, less stuff in my garage, a little extra money in my pocket and a more organized workspace and so much more. Phew!

The other is "Twist your head" - look at things from a new and different perspective. This one was a little harder to, pardon the pun, wrap my head around. How do you see things differently? I can only see things the way I see them. That's where someone else's head comes in handy.

I met with Berny Dohrman twice last week and both times he made my head spin. The difference between the way someone who makes 30 million a year thinks vs. someone who made 30 grand really is night and day. It took him moments to understand my business, open my eyes to new ideas and totally rebrand it. As a friend said of her meeting with him - it's like he had my business plan right in front of him!

So, welcome to the NEW and IMPROVED. He gave me a name that will make my business more accessible, draw more people in and open the door for a myriad of angles.

One thing I was denying in my approach is my naughty side. As discussed a couple of posts ago, sex is a big part of my life and my identity. I was trying to "clean up" Sensuality by making it less about sex. I still believe that Sensuality is misunderstood and about so much more than we give it credit for. However, how I am is very sexual and if I deny that part to try to make things more palatable, I'm not being true to me.

One thing many have told me is that my presence gives them the permission to play bigger. A friend told me the other night that he misses having me around because I have always been an inspiration to him to not hold back and to be completely honest and open and fearless. Part of the reason people feel this way around me is because I am completely in touch with all sides of me, including my sexuality and am unafraid to express it.

Whenever I meet someone for the first time, it generally takes very little time before they are sharing some intimate details about themselves, and very often those have to do with their fears or hang ups around sex.

I'm a nice girl. I am sweet and big hearted, forgiving and easy going. However, I'm also a bad girl who loves the down and dirty.

Berny came up with a name that covers all of this: BAD KITTY. Adding the tagline JOY POWER expresses what I want to help people towards more succintly than my cumbersome and always needing to be explained SENUSUALITY COACH.

BAD KITTY and JOY POWER conjur an image. To some it conjurs porn, but that is the minority. It draws people in, they want to know more. As Berny said as we closed, people will be curious and be drawn to you now and THEN you can explain to them what you do and tell them what you want instead of explaining and then hoping they'll come along.

Thank you Berny for twisting my head backwards and helping me see things totally new.

Pass along the BAD KITTY to your friends! This is a movement! We need more BAD KITTIES spreading their JOY POWER to the world!

From THE BAD KITTY: JOY POWER.... BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU!

www.thebadkitty.com

Confusion

2008-11-25T15:24:00.000-08:00

People have funny reactions to the word "sensuality". It is one of those simple words that has created a whole environment around it, and it's not all positive.

I have had a business coach for several years. He's seen me through a lot of things. He's seen a lot of growth and shifts in the way I approach my life and my ideas of business. When I announced myself last year at a meeting as "Your Sensuality Coach" he wasn't entirely, shall we say, thrilled. Even now I'm not entirely sure that he understands what it's all about. He has some baggage around the word that prevents him seeing what I'm presenting clearly. He's still a big help and I value his input, but I don't think he really understands my passion.

I met another coach last week. As soon as I told her my business idea and about my website, she got very excited. She understood immediately and wanted to work with me. She could tell I would be fun to work with - as of course I am (wink) - and I know we're going to have a great relationship.

The fact that one of these people is male and one is female, means nothing. I have met men who get what I have to say immediately. I have met women who swallow their tongues as soon as I say the S word.

What I find most intriguing is how often, during conversation, the word will change. The other party will begin with the word Sensuality and then unconsciously at some point change it to SeXuality. At first that really bothered me, but now it amuses me.

That is part of my mission. Helping people understand the difference. The root word of Sensuality is SENSE. When we are in full awareness of ourselves and the world around us we are Sensual. Yes, that does sometimes include sexuality as we discussed last week. But it is so much more!

When I feel good about myself, when I'm in a positive mood; my Sensuality shines through. I notice that people react to me differently. I become more open and friendly. I invite people in without a word and they want to talk to me, be near me, to know what's going on. Sensuality is a magnet. It draws in people, it attracts what you want into your life. It is the key to having a full life.

Since becoming in touch with who I am as a fully Sensual being so much has changed. My income is improved. I own a house and a new car for the first time ever. I have more and closer friendships. I am creating what I want in life and having a blast doing it!

I love being Sensual! How are you doing? Come with me so we can all BE BEAUTIFUL. I want to see you, so BE YOU!

www.beingsensual.com

Sexy

2008-11-19T08:05:00.000-08:00

I love men. And women, for that matter. All bodies are amazing. When everyone is naked, it's like all judgments disappear. Everyone is equal no matter what their body issues might be. I often wonder how people like doctors, massage therapists and others who get to see people naked all the time can lose the wonder of seeing nakedness.

This post is about sex. FINALLY! some of you are saying. I KNEW that this whole "sensual" thing was just a cover. I KNEW it was really about SEX!

Well, sorry, not quite. Yes, sensuality and sexuality are related. They can't help but be. We are sexual creatures - some of us more than others - and when we are fully expressing ourselves in our sensuality, of course sex is going to come into it.

All parts of our lives come with rules and expectations. From table etiquette to gender roles, we lives by a set of standards that have been handed down generation to generation. Most of the standards/rules we live by are hundreds of years old. Society does change and evolve, but the evolution takes time to pervade the entire culture.

For example, there is a lot of confusion around dating. Who picks up the bill? How do you decide who is going to do it? Do you take turns? Does the one who did the inviting cover it? Is it always the man? Does it mean a woman is a user if she likes the man to pick up the cheque? Do you kiss on the first date? How long before it's OK to sleep together? No wonder we're all so confused!

Sensuality is about releasing those standards. Take an objective look at them and see which ones actually work for you and which ones don't. You may be surprised how much you're doing out of habit, comfort or because you thought you had no choice.

So what on earth does this have to do with sex!? Where else in our lives do we have more rules than around our sexuality? From the fundamentalist no sex before marriage to the discomfort around fetishes to the debate around gay marriage. All you have to so is say the word S-E-X in a room and you will hear gasps, see people holding their breaths or inspire giggles. Things don't change no matter how old and experienced we are.

Mention sex when I'm in the room and you'll get a wide smile and a long conversation. Next to self expression and sensuality, sex is my favorite topic.

This wasn't always the case. I was one of those fundamentalists. My head was all wrapped around guilt when it came to sex. I was so naive that at 18 I didn't know what a blow job was. In grade 12 my friend and I chose a play to do for drama class that was full of double - and single - entendres and peppered with references to phallus. I had no idea that it was a play about sex until my mom freaked out and insisted the school pull the play off the shelves.

I didn't succeed in the no sex before marriage ideal. Everytime I "sinned" I felt incredible guilt, but I just couldn't stop. I tried, I had good intentions, I prayed for strength and forgiveness. I made myself miserable.

Now that I truly understand my nature and am in touch with my sensuality I know why this was such a struggle. It simply is not in my DNA. I LOVE SEX! There are no two ways around it. I am a highly sexual woman who needs it in her life to be fully satisfied.

Not everyone is like this and I'm certainly not suggesting that to be Sensual you must love having sex 3x a day. Being Sensual is knowing what works for YOU. What works for me is sex as much as possible and as often as possible.

When you are fully expressing your Sensuality, you will know what you need. You will come from a place of strenght rather than need. You will be able to articulate what you want clearly. You will radiate a confidence that is irresistably attractive. You may attract attention you don't like and you will know how to deal with it while remaining present and true to who you are.

Sex is natural, sex is good - not everybody does it, but everybody should. Sorry, couldn't help but channel a little George Micheal there! It's time to shed the expectations, standards and crazy rules around sex. Find what works for you. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Accept what works for other people and understand that that is their Sensuality.

When we are all living in our true selves, sex will no longer be an issue. It will be what it is. A really great past time!

Of course, like any sport, Sex has it's risks, so play safe, people!

BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU - in all areas of your life.

www.beingsensual.com

Why this path?

2008-11-13T08:21:00.000-08:00

It's always curious to me why people do what they do. From the incredibly successful entrepeneur to the guy who, at 40, is still working at the local gas station, what is their motivation - or lack of - tied to?

For many it's simply blindly following what's expected. I met a young girl yesterday who is studying insurance. She is barely 18. Her mom is in the insurance business. She is simply doing something she is familiar with. She doesn't really know her strength or passion. I worked with a girl who was in university and hating every moment of it. I gave her a book on discovering your passion and she realized she was in completely the wrong field simply because it was where her father expected her to be.

For others it's a lack of confidence. I admit that for years I worked in food service and retail jobs because I couldn't see myself doing anything else. I looked at others who had good government jobs, or corporate jobs or were entrepeneurial and couldn't understand how they got there. They were no smarter or had no more education than I and yet they were making double and triple what I was. I had ideas, I had dreams, I didn't have the confidence in myself and told myself I just didn't know how. Now there's an easy way to let yourself off the hook!

Then there are those that simply fall into something and do it because it's what they've always done or because it's easier than moving on. I can't possibly count or list all the people I know who hate their job. It's just too much bother to do something else. "I have a pension." "I have good benefits." "I have seniority." "It's not THAT bad." They are trapped.

From where I am now, it's hard to believe I was ever there, but I was. Safe and easy was appealing because it was safe and easy. Then something changed. I changed.

It's been a journey of a lifetime going from where I was to where I am. It's been transformative, so much so that those who "knew me when" can see that I am not who I was.

So what about this journey has inspired me to be an advocate for Sensuality, Femininity and the Power of being a Woman - of being true to yourself?

I come from a broken home, as many do. I am the oldest of, at that time, 2 girls. I took it upon myself to be "the man" of the family. I was the strong one, my sister was the pretty one. The message I heard was that the two didn't go together. In order to make my mom proud, I felt I had to live up to my title.

That created in me a tendancy to downplay my girl-ness. I preferred boys games. If I was made to play a girly game like house, I had to be the dad. I had moments of being a bully because that made me feel strong and seen and important. I refused to cry in front of others no matter what. I wouldn't wear pink, ruffles, flowers. I had to wear dresses from time to time, but I made sure they were as simple as possible.

I didn't think I could compete with my sister so why bother trying. She was the pretty one. She was the one who modeled. She was the one everyone oo'd and ahh'd over. I was the strong, silent bystander.

When I started to discover my Sensuality and Femininity, things began to change. My life now is light, before it was dark. I have more fun. I'm not afraid of being seen. I know that I'm gorgeous as I am, without comparison to others. I love pink! Shoes and I are best friends.

I am still strong, but now my strength comes from the power of who I am and not a manufactured strength that came from struggle. My strength comes from being vulnerable, from being real, from an open, honest heart.

These experiences have created my passion. We teach what we have learned and what we are learning. I have discovered a great power - the power of SELF, the power of the FEMININE, the power of SENSUALITY! I can't stop myself from sharing it. I want everyone to have it!

I want everyone to know what can happen when they are willing to BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU! Please join me in the journey. www.beingsensual.com

Growing or Dieing

2008-11-06T08:14:00.000-08:00

I am working on a book. It is said that more than half of us say they want to write a book or have a partially finished book somewhere on our shelves. I have a few myself. The big novel I was going to write about abortion when I was a fanatical youth. A few different short stories and plays that didn't get beyond the first few pages.

So what is going to make this one different?

If you read my last entry, you know that I get distracted by new ideas, by something that looks more fun or interesting than what I'm working on now. I identify with ravens. What's the next new shiny thing?

When I get into the meat of things and it starts to get hard, it's easy to get discouraged, to look around for the shiny. Plus there is always someone who knows you well - usually family - who will remind you of all the times you failed, so why should this time be any different. And, of course, there's the friendly little voice which will say, "ya, ya, sure, we'll see!" and roll it's eyes at you.

Again, what is going to make this one different?

It's a beautiful thing about people - we grow! There's an old adage, if you're not growing, you're dieing. If we stay the same we stagnate and whither. I love the ads for the Nintendo DS brain game. It shows someone playing the game and someone else who's head is very tiny and the end line states, "Your brain shrinks with age." In essence, if you don't use it, you lose it. It's the same with everything, if you're just coasting, you will eventually be/have less.

My growth has happened in many arenas over the years. With workshops I have taken, surrounding myself with growth hungry people, having a coach and so much more, I have been making shifts and becoming not only more of my full self, but also more of things I never thought I'd be. I once said I couldn't sell heaters to Eskimos, now my life revolves around sales. I used to (and still do sometimes) say that I'm no good with numbers, but I understand more than many about investing and money. My coach told me recently that I've shifted from being an artist to a business person (with an artistic sensibility). What he meant by that is that I actually think about how I can make my ideas into something viable rather than just a crazy scheme. Again, refer to my last post!

Where does this leave me with my book?

I have discovered my true passion - sensuality and helping women be fully expressive and understanding of their beauty. I have made commitments to myself and, even more helpful, others to work on my book a certain amount of time each week. Writing this is part of that process. A weekly entry keeps me focused on writing SOMETHING every week.

What will I do when it gets hard. Probably make excuses and whine. But only briefly. I will keep going and do what needs to be done. I want you all to share in this book. I want to share my insights with you in a concrete manner. I want to do my small part in changing your life, in seeing you grow.

Currently, the working title for the book is SENSE AND SENSUALITY - The truth about beauty. What do you think? Would you buy this book? Send me an email at christie@beingsensual.com and let me know!

BE BEAUTIFUL. BE YOU!

Roads and stars

2008-10-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

I have chosen a rocky path for myself. I seem to enjoy doing that. I can't take the easy road, the well traveled road, the path of least resistance. I have to stand out somehow. Do something different. I'm a little crazy that way.

I could blame it on my astrology. In the Chinese tradition I am a Wood Snake. The fact that female snakes are the most alluring of the zodiac explains some things about me and my physical desires. On a deeper level, we are also inclined towards the abstract and are unusually gifted with deep intuitions. I am always coming up with unusual ideas and go more on my feeling about a situation than hard facts.

My Chinese element is Wood which symbolizes imagination, creativity and idealism. I always feel that things should be better than they are and am bored if I'm unable to be creative. Repetition is a killer to my spirit. Wood likes to move upward and outward so I am always looking into making things bigger, more inclusive, more powerful.

In the Western tradition, I am Aquarius. Our motto is similar to Einstein's: "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." I am always frustrated by the comments of others that it's too much, too hard, too big. Aquarians dance to their own drum beat and love new concepts and ideas. Due to that, my challenge is to separate what seems fun and interesting from what is really important. Day to day is not my forte, thinking and dreaming of my ideal is more my cache. Whether or not it ever gets done is less important than the dream. Now THAT explains a lot about why I have so many partly finished ideas laying about.

One thing that made me laugh is that my ruling planet is Uranus. Uranus is the weirdest planet in the solar system. Its north pole faces the Sun and its Moons spin around it backwards. As such, Uranus symbolizes the eccentric and unique things in our lives. It is associated with brilliance, even if short-lived. Anyone who knows me will say that I'm a little different. I simply can't abide being like anyone else. Whether it's the car I drive, the not found in nature colors in my hair or wearing 4" heels even though I'm 6' tall, I just can't be "normal"!

I can now blame Uranus for my freedom seeking personality as it encourages us to rebel against social injustices and to seek freedom of expression in our lives. I've been told that I am a freedom seeker. The more I get to know myself, the more I realize this is true.

I am big on self expression. My work and research into Sensuality has helped me realize that it is one and the same. I am often told that I am very Sensual. That is because I am self expressive. They mirror each other.

Being a Snake, I am also highly sexual, but that's another topic for another day.

At one time I didn't put much stock in astrology. I would read the descriptions and say "that's not me!" Now I read them and I grin. Now that I really know myself and am unafraid of being who I truly am, they are remarkably accurate.

So, thanks to the stars and planets, I'm a little off beat. That's why I keep taking these odd roads. And it's why I'm going to make a difference in the world. I am so looking forward to really following through with this dream. I have a lot of great support and have learned a lot about what I need to do. I am an idea gal. I have big plans. And I want to share them with you and help you realize your big dreams and plans.

I believe that it's easy to take the road behind others. It's certainly less stressful. But somewhere down the road, someone goes off on their own. They create a new path. It's harder, it's a little insane, but someone has to be first. Will you follow?

Experiment

2008-10-22T13:51:00.000-07:00

Last week I was introduced, via the web, to Patty Contenta. Her website www.sensualitysecret.com caught my eye when I was doing key word searches for my own site - the soon to be up and running www.beingsensual.com. I loved what Patty had to say that " The TRUE 'ideal woman' is a woman who embraces all that she is...…every aspect of herself. She LOVES herself. All of it!"

We are certainly on the same page when it comes to that! In addition, Patty helps women get in touch with their sensuality through body language. I bought her eBook "Sensuality Secrets" and have been experimenting with a few of the techniques. She claims that using them will attract men like flies no matter your size, shape or attractiveness because it shows your self confidence.

As I mentioned last week, I discovered in reading Patty's work that I already unconsciously do a lot of the techniques, but now I am playing with them consciously to see what happens.

Last night I was in a pub with a male friend. There was a hockey game so other than myself and the waitstaff, pretty much everyone in the place was male. Personally being completely uninterested in hockey, I was glad to have good company who, although a fan, is a considerate one.

For those of you who may not be from Canada, and especially Edmonton, let me tell you that this is one hockey crazy town. The 9 month hockey season (or however long it truly is) is an interminable thorn in my side, but to most it's lifeblood. So to get a man's attention when a game is on is no small feat of femininity.

I already have the attention of my friend so there was no need to experiment on him. Rather, when he left for a several minutes, I started to consciously use Patty's touching techniques. I sat at the table seemingly causually running my fingers, more specifically the middle, along the side of my face, along my jawline and neck and across my clavicle. I did this repeatedly and in several different ways. I was enjoying the motion, of being in touch with myself in a way that was simple and essentially non-sexual.

Well, my darlings, the technique certainly works! When I took the time to look around I noticed at least 2 men watching intently. I continued for a short time longer until my friend returned and I began to feel a little silly as I wasn't looking to attract anyone else to the table.

Still, thank you Patty for such a simple technique that works! Girls, if you're looking to attract that man watching the game on the other side of the bar, start touching your face, neck and clavicle with your middle finger. Do it slowly, sensually and with enjoyment of yourself and he won't be able to keep his eyes off you!

Happy experimenting!

The land of discovery

2008-10-14T14:10:00.001-07:00

I have neglected my blog for some time. In the intervening months (oh my, months!) I have done a lot of searching and discovering about myself and what I want. For any growing person, this is an ongoing process. After all, if you're not growing, you're dieing. And I'd much rather be doing the former.

The growth process can be uncomfortable or even painful - just ask any adolescent. It can also be exhilarating and awe inspiring. Or sometimes both at the same time. Coming out the other side and looking back is certainly a big part of the fun. The problem is, we don't often take time to do that part of the process. Celebrating how far we've come, what we've learned, what we've accomplished.

So here's to reflection.

I sometimes need others to show me how far I've come. Thankfully there are a lot of people who have been around for some time and have seen the changes I have gone through and can help remind me how much I've changed. I am often told how much more present I am or how much more confident or outgoing or simply how much better I am at showing up whether in private or public.

I have such a passion for helping women discover their truth, their beauty, their expression, their sensuality. I was asked recently where this came from. My stock answer is that I spent a long time living by other people's standards, not being who I really am and being miserable because I couldn't figure out why it wasn't working and why I wasn't happy. Well, duh! Because I wasn't true to my inner self, my soul's desire, my truth. Once I started to discover that and live in it, I became happier and more fulfilled.

Then I began to reflect more on that question and an even more basic reason came to light. I spent most of my life not only living a lie, but also thinking I was unattractive and unfeminine. My sister was the pretty one, I was the strong one. I took on a lot of male characteristics, even wanting to be a boy when I was younger. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 19 and then I simply glommed onto the first loser who expressed interest, even going so far as getting engaged. Thank GOD I came to my senses before any papers were signed!

It wasn't until very recently that I discovered my feminine self. My sensuality. My feminine power. Now I can honestly say I'm damn HOT! And I want to show every woman no matter what she looks like that she can BE BEAUTIFUL.

This does not mean a big make-over (although that can certainly be part of it) but it really means discovering themselves and their light which is what makes everyone beautiful. There is nothing more attractive than confidence and purpose. We have all seen this, even if we didn't recognize it as such. There is nothing more beautiful than being you. Then your sensuality shines through and comes out naturally.

I recently looked at a website that had body language tips for sensuality and realized I do most of them without even thinking when I'm feeling my best. Fake it till you make it works, and discovering you've already made it is incredible!

I invite you all to come on a journey with me and discover that you already have it, we just need to find ways to let it loose.

BE BEAUTIFUL, you fabulous women, you!

pole dancing

2008-03-22T12:43:00.000-07:00

Many of you may be wondering, “OK, I get all the sensuality is being in touch with the world around you stuff. But I really bought this book because I want to be sexier. Did I get ripped off?”

Unequivocally, NO! Being in touch with your sensuality is also about being in touch with who you are as a sexual being. It’s all part and parcel. You can’t separate the body, mind and soul.

Many of us, especially women, have lost touch with the sensuality of our bodies. There are many reasons for this:

· fear of being seen as a slut

· sexual abuse

· caregiving everyone else and leaving self to last

· unfulfilling sex lives

· discomfort with being seen as a sexual being

· unfamiliarity with our own bodies and what we like

· taboos around being sexual

Which one of these, or combination of them, is you?

Working through body and mind issues around this side of sensuality can be extremely difficult. That’s one reason I love teaching pole dancing. It cuts through all the mind chatter and allows a woman to just be in her juice, her sex, her body, her all over sensuality. When we dance for ourselves with no one to impress, no audience, no male involvement, it becomes a completely new creature. We become a completely new creature!

There is a freedom and magic that happens on the pole. The pole doesn’t judge, he is simply there to support you on your journey. There are many moves you can learn on the pole ranging in difficulty which we will look at. You can do everything from simply walking around to spinning and turning upside down. And it really doesn’t matter! It doesn’t even matter if you’re doing them perfectly. You want to be safe and dance in a way that won’t be harmful to you and you don’t want to go upside down before you’re ready and land on your head! Once you put aside the need to be perfect, to work hard so you can do the “hard” stuff and simply enjoy the movement, the support and the music, your sensuality will emerge. The mind chatter will leave. The personal judgment will subside. The girl who wants to play and feel will peak her head around the corner then come out and give it her all.

I have seen this happen to so many people that I can say without hesitation that it will happen to you! One student, LeeAnne (names changed) said: “ I just wanted to thank you for doing the pole dancing lessons. I’ve noticed a difference in myself right from how I walk to how I think of my body. Even my husband has noticed a change! It’s amazing how pole dancing has made me feel sexy, even after 3 kids!” Coreen says: “Christie, since having you in my home for a pole dancing party the perception of myself, has changed. I am not JUST a mom or a wife, I am a WOMAN. My life has changed and I am now willing to step out of the box. I have even posed for boudoir photos. (for my husband of course). Thank you for inspiring me, and others, the way you do, with the simple introduction to "Mister Romeo" (what I call my pole).

Don’t have a pole? No problem. They are readily available. I recommend Li’l Minx brand which you can purchase on my website www.edmontonpolefun.com as they are the highest quality on the market and are available in a number of different types to fit your situation.

Not quite ready to go to that expense? We will discuss chair, floor and wall moves as well - all of which can give you the same benefits as the pole. It’s all about playing. Let your sensual kitten out for a romp and see what happens!

Activities

2008-03-10T15:23:00.000-07:00

It’s not unusual to have moments of feeling unsensual. Actually, most of us probably feel that way most of the time. That’s mainly due to our misrepresentation of what sensuality is. And it can also be that we truly aren’t involved in what’s going on around us – sensually.

We are incredibly adept in our society at cutting ourselves off. We’re cut off from our emotions. We ignore what we see going on with others around us. We drive everywhere we go and remove ourselves from the environment. We eat out and cease to participate in the sensuality of food. We watch TV instead of reading or talking. We wear our iPods and talk on our cell phones wherever we go so we don’t pay attention to what’s around us.

The movie theatres have created the perfect awkward first date place. Nothing to say? No problem, there’s plenty to distract you. Read the magazine provided in the lobby. Watch the trivia and gossip on the screen. The only chance of interaction is the possibility of touching hands in the popcorn box. But the 2 drink, 2 popcorn combo has even taken care of that.

All of these seemingly innocent things have succeeded in cutting us off from each other and ourselves. How can we get back in touch?

HELPING TO RETURN TO SENSUALITY ACTIVITIES:

Over the next month, choose one of these each week. The challenge will be to continue to do each one more than a day, if you even make a day.

1. Take a walk. Leave your headphones and cell phone behind. This can be in nature or in your neighborhood, it doesn’t matter. Just get out and observe. Who in your community has a dog? Are there a lot of children? Which houses have great curb appeal? Who has a beautiful garden? Where is the mailbox and the bus stop? In the woods, what flowers do you see? Look for berries and bugs. Notice the moss. Listen for water. What do you smell? Can you identify any bird calls?

2. Eat at the table without the TV. Whether you live alone or with others, practice enjoying your food. Take the time to chew. Feel the texture. What spices can you identify? What makes this particular food appealing to you – or not. If you’re with others, enjoy the fine art of dinner conversation.

3. Practice the art of listening. Go out with someone to a quiet restaurant, coffee or tea shop. Or have tea at home. Ask the other person questions. Resist the urge to jump in and give your opinions and advice. See what you can learn about this person – their values and struggles. Ask if you can share what you’ve observed and ask for feedback.

4. Make dinner. Don’t use any prepared foods or mixes. Buy everything fresh. If you have a farmer’s market in your city, use it. Experience the sights, sounds and smells around you. Talk to the vendors and learn about what it takes to be an independent food producer. Ask for their input into your plans. Cut the vegetables and meat yourself. Use fresh herbs if available. Keep it simple if you don’t usually cook, more elaborate if you do. Take your time and experience every step. Eat it with candlelight and flowers, preferably with a friend or loved one.

5. Dress in clothes that make you feel wonderful. Wear colors and fabrics you love. Choose articles that, when you look in the mirror, make you think - I look great! Wear sexy underwear and great shoes. Do your hair and wear fragrance.

6. Make eye contact with people when speaking to them and smile. Make sure to do this in a friendly, not creepy, way. If you make eye contact with a stranger, smile. If someone holds the door open for you or does some other random act of kindness, look them in the eye, smile and say “Thank you”.

7. Draw. Do a craft. Do something creative. Enjoy the process without having an end result in mind.

8. Read. Curl up in your favorite chair with a good book – either a previously loved one or a recommendation from a friend. Lose yourself in the moment and let your imagination roam.

9. Go out with friends and leave your cell phone behind. We used to go out all the time without any form of contact. Experience that freedom again.

10. Put the iPod or other world tune-out device in a drawer and go about your day. See how much you can observe that you may have otherwise missed. Notice smells and colors. What or who have you passed by everyday without a glance? What interesting things have you missed?

11. Spend time with children. Go to a playground. Volunteer with a children’s charity. Spend time with your own kids (or nieces/nephews/grandkids or friend’s kids) and play.

12. People watch. Sit in a park or coffee shop and notice their moods and body language. Make up back stories for the fun of it.

These seemingly simple things will bring the awareness of the world, and thus sensuality, back in your life.

Introduction

2008-03-10T15:18:00.000-07:00

This blog is for you if you know someone who:

- Goes out in public in their jammies
- Thinks crocs are a fashion statement
- Has forgotten how beautiful they are
- Has lost touch with the world around them
- Dresses the same as they did in high school, which was 20 years ago
- Hasn’t had a decent haircut in years
- Rushes about their lives and crams too much in a day
- Looks after everyone else and forgets about themselves
- Thinks fashion is whatever is on sale at Wall Mart
- Wears socks and sandals
- Has never had a bra fitting
- Walks like a man (and is a woman)
- Goes through life isolating themselves with technology
- Never takes time to smell the flowers
- Is always late
- Has a negative attitude

Or maybe that person is YOU!