Confusion

People have funny reactions to the word "sensuality". It is one of those simple words that has created a whole environment around it, and it's not all positive.

I have had a business coach for several years. He's seen me through a lot of things. He's seen a lot of growth and shifts in the way I approach my life and my ideas of business. When I announced myself last year at a meeting as "Your Sensuality Coach" he wasn't entirely, shall we say, thrilled. Even now I'm not entirely sure that he understands what it's all about. He has some baggage around the word that prevents him seeing what I'm presenting clearly. He's still a big help and I value his input, but I don't think he really understands my passion.

I met another coach last week. As soon as I told her my business idea and about my website, she got very excited. She understood immediately and wanted to work with me. She could tell I would be fun to work with - as of course I am (wink) - and I know we're going to have a great relationship.

The fact that one of these people is male and one is female, means nothing. I have met men who get what I have to say immediately. I have met women who swallow their tongues as soon as I say the S word.

What I find most intriguing is how often, during conversation, the word will change. The other party will begin with the word Sensuality and then unconsciously at some point change it to SeXuality. At first that really bothered me, but now it amuses me.

That is part of my mission. Helping people understand the difference. The root word of Sensuality is SENSE. When we are in full awareness of ourselves and the world around us we are Sensual. Yes, that does sometimes include sexuality as we discussed last week. But it is so much more!

When I feel good about myself, when I'm in a positive mood; my Sensuality shines through. I notice that people react to me differently. I become more open and friendly. I invite people in without a word and they want to talk to me, be near me, to know what's going on. Sensuality is a magnet. It draws in people, it attracts what you want into your life. It is the key to having a full life.

Since becoming in touch with who I am as a fully Sensual being so much has changed. My income is improved. I own a house and a new car for the first time ever. I have more and closer friendships. I am creating what I want in life and having a blast doing it!

I love being Sensual! How are you doing? Come with me so we can all BE BEAUTIFUL. I want to see you, so BE YOU!

www.beingsensual.com

Sexy

I love men. And women, for that matter. All bodies are amazing. When everyone is naked, it's like all judgments disappear. Everyone is equal no matter what their body issues might be. I often wonder how people like doctors, massage therapists and others who get to see people naked all the time can lose the wonder of seeing nakedness.

This post is about sex. FINALLY! some of you are saying. I KNEW that this whole "sensual" thing was just a cover. I KNEW it was really about SEX!

Well, sorry, not quite. Yes, sensuality and sexuality are related. They can't help but be. We are sexual creatures - some of us more than others - and when we are fully expressing ourselves in our sensuality, of course sex is going to come into it.

All parts of our lives come with rules and expectations. From table etiquette to gender roles, we lives by a set of standards that have been handed down generation to generation. Most of the standards/rules we live by are hundreds of years old. Society does change and evolve, but the evolution takes time to pervade the entire culture.

For example, there is a lot of confusion around dating. Who picks up the bill? How do you decide who is going to do it? Do you take turns? Does the one who did the inviting cover it? Is it always the man? Does it mean a woman is a user if she likes the man to pick up the cheque? Do you kiss on the first date? How long before it's OK to sleep together? No wonder we're all so confused!

Sensuality is about releasing those standards. Take an objective look at them and see which ones actually work for you and which ones don't. You may be surprised how much you're doing out of habit, comfort or because you thought you had no choice.

So what on earth does this have to do with sex!? Where else in our lives do we have more rules than around our sexuality? From the fundamentalist no sex before marriage to the discomfort around fetishes to the debate around gay marriage. All you have to so is say the word S-E-X in a room and you will hear gasps, see people holding their breaths or inspire giggles. Things don't change no matter how old and experienced we are.

Mention sex when I'm in the room and you'll get a wide smile and a long conversation. Next to self expression and sensuality, sex is my favorite topic.

This wasn't always the case. I was one of those fundamentalists. My head was all wrapped around guilt when it came to sex. I was so naive that at 18 I didn't know what a blow job was. In grade 12 my friend and I chose a play to do for drama class that was full of double - and single - entendres and peppered with references to phallus. I had no idea that it was a play about sex until my mom freaked out and insisted the school pull the play off the shelves.

I didn't succeed in the no sex before marriage ideal. Everytime I "sinned" I felt incredible guilt, but I just couldn't stop. I tried, I had good intentions, I prayed for strength and forgiveness. I made myself miserable.

Now that I truly understand my nature and am in touch with my sensuality I know why this was such a struggle. It simply is not in my DNA. I LOVE SEX! There are no two ways around it. I am a highly sexual woman who needs it in her life to be fully satisfied.

Not everyone is like this and I'm certainly not suggesting that to be Sensual you must love having sex 3x a day. Being Sensual is knowing what works for YOU. What works for me is sex as much as possible and as often as possible.

When you are fully expressing your Sensuality, you will know what you need. You will come from a place of strenght rather than need. You will be able to articulate what you want clearly. You will radiate a confidence that is irresistably attractive. You may attract attention you don't like and you will know how to deal with it while remaining present and true to who you are.

Sex is natural, sex is good - not everybody does it, but everybody should. Sorry, couldn't help but channel a little George Micheal there! It's time to shed the expectations, standards and crazy rules around sex. Find what works for you. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Accept what works for other people and understand that that is their Sensuality.

When we are all living in our true selves, sex will no longer be an issue. It will be what it is. A really great past time!

Of course, like any sport, Sex has it's risks, so play safe, people!

BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU - in all areas of your life.

www.beingsensual.com

Why this path?

It's always curious to me why people do what they do. From the incredibly successful entrepeneur to the guy who, at 40, is still working at the local gas station, what is their motivation - or lack of - tied to?

For many it's simply blindly following what's expected. I met a young girl yesterday who is studying insurance. She is barely 18. Her mom is in the insurance business. She is simply doing something she is familiar with. She doesn't really know her strength or passion. I worked with a girl who was in university and hating every moment of it. I gave her a book on discovering your passion and she realized she was in completely the wrong field simply because it was where her father expected her to be.

For others it's a lack of confidence. I admit that for years I worked in food service and retail jobs because I couldn't see myself doing anything else. I looked at others who had good government jobs, or corporate jobs or were entrepeneurial and couldn't understand how they got there. They were no smarter or had no more education than I and yet they were making double and triple what I was. I had ideas, I had dreams, I didn't have the confidence in myself and told myself I just didn't know how. Now there's an easy way to let yourself off the hook!

Then there are those that simply fall into something and do it because it's what they've always done or because it's easier than moving on. I can't possibly count or list all the people I know who hate their job. It's just too much bother to do something else. "I have a pension." "I have good benefits." "I have seniority." "It's not THAT bad." They are trapped.

From where I am now, it's hard to believe I was ever there, but I was. Safe and easy was appealing because it was safe and easy. Then something changed. I changed.

It's been a journey of a lifetime going from where I was to where I am. It's been transformative, so much so that those who "knew me when" can see that I am not who I was.

So what about this journey has inspired me to be an advocate for Sensuality, Femininity and the Power of being a Woman - of being true to yourself?

I come from a broken home, as many do. I am the oldest of, at that time, 2 girls. I took it upon myself to be "the man" of the family. I was the strong one, my sister was the pretty one. The message I heard was that the two didn't go together. In order to make my mom proud, I felt I had to live up to my title.

That created in me a tendancy to downplay my girl-ness. I preferred boys games. If I was made to play a girly game like house, I had to be the dad. I had moments of being a bully because that made me feel strong and seen and important. I refused to cry in front of others no matter what. I wouldn't wear pink, ruffles, flowers. I had to wear dresses from time to time, but I made sure they were as simple as possible.

I didn't think I could compete with my sister so why bother trying. She was the pretty one. She was the one who modeled. She was the one everyone oo'd and ahh'd over. I was the strong, silent bystander.

When I started to discover my Sensuality and Femininity, things began to change. My life now is light, before it was dark. I have more fun. I'm not afraid of being seen. I know that I'm gorgeous as I am, without comparison to others. I love pink! Shoes and I are best friends.

I am still strong, but now my strength comes from the power of who I am and not a manufactured strength that came from struggle. My strength comes from being vulnerable, from being real, from an open, honest heart.

These experiences have created my passion. We teach what we have learned and what we are learning. I have discovered a great power - the power of SELF, the power of the FEMININE, the power of SENSUALITY! I can't stop myself from sharing it. I want everyone to have it!

I want everyone to know what can happen when they are willing to BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU! Please join me in the journey. www.beingsensual.com

Growing or Dieing

I am working on a book. It is said that more than half of us say they want to write a book or have a partially finished book somewhere on our shelves. I have a few myself. The big novel I was going to write about abortion when I was a fanatical youth. A few different short stories and plays that didn't get beyond the first few pages.

So what is going to make this one different?

If you read my last entry, you know that I get distracted by new ideas, by something that looks more fun or interesting than what I'm working on now. I identify with ravens. What's the next new shiny thing?

When I get into the meat of things and it starts to get hard, it's easy to get discouraged, to look around for the shiny. Plus there is always someone who knows you well - usually family - who will remind you of all the times you failed, so why should this time be any different. And, of course, there's the friendly little voice which will say, "ya, ya, sure, we'll see!" and roll it's eyes at you.

Again, what is going to make this one different?

It's a beautiful thing about people - we grow! There's an old adage, if you're not growing, you're dieing. If we stay the same we stagnate and whither. I love the ads for the Nintendo DS brain game. It shows someone playing the game and someone else who's head is very tiny and the end line states, "Your brain shrinks with age." In essence, if you don't use it, you lose it. It's the same with everything, if you're just coasting, you will eventually be/have less.

My growth has happened in many arenas over the years. With workshops I have taken, surrounding myself with growth hungry people, having a coach and so much more, I have been making shifts and becoming not only more of my full self, but also more of things I never thought I'd be. I once said I couldn't sell heaters to Eskimos, now my life revolves around sales. I used to (and still do sometimes) say that I'm no good with numbers, but I understand more than many about investing and money. My coach told me recently that I've shifted from being an artist to a business person (with an artistic sensibility). What he meant by that is that I actually think about how I can make my ideas into something viable rather than just a crazy scheme. Again, refer to my last post!

Where does this leave me with my book?

I have discovered my true passion - sensuality and helping women be fully expressive and understanding of their beauty. I have made commitments to myself and, even more helpful, others to work on my book a certain amount of time each week. Writing this is part of that process. A weekly entry keeps me focused on writing SOMETHING every week.

What will I do when it gets hard. Probably make excuses and whine. But only briefly. I will keep going and do what needs to be done. I want you all to share in this book. I want to share my insights with you in a concrete manner. I want to do my small part in changing your life, in seeing you grow.

Currently, the working title for the book is SENSE AND SENSUALITY - The truth about beauty. What do you think? Would you buy this book? Send me an email at christie@beingsensual.com and let me know!

BE BEAUTIFUL. BE YOU!

Roads and stars

I have chosen a rocky path for myself. I seem to enjoy doing that. I can't take the easy road, the well traveled road, the path of least resistance. I have to stand out somehow. Do something different. I'm a little crazy that way.

I could blame it on my astrology. In the Chinese tradition I am a Wood Snake. The fact that female snakes are the most alluring of the zodiac explains some things about me and my physical desires. On a deeper level, we are also inclined towards the abstract and are unusually gifted with deep intuitions. I am always coming up with unusual ideas and go more on my feeling about a situation than hard facts.

My Chinese element is Wood which symbolizes imagination, creativity and idealism. I always feel that things should be better than they are and am bored if I'm unable to be creative. Repetition is a killer to my spirit. Wood likes to move upward and outward so I am always looking into making things bigger, more inclusive, more powerful.

In the Western tradition, I am Aquarius. Our motto is similar to Einstein's: "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." I am always frustrated by the comments of others that it's too much, too hard, too big. Aquarians dance to their own drum beat and love new concepts and ideas. Due to that, my challenge is to separate what seems fun and interesting from what is really important. Day to day is not my forte, thinking and dreaming of my ideal is more my cache. Whether or not it ever gets done is less important than the dream. Now THAT explains a lot about why I have so many partly finished ideas laying about.

One thing that made me laugh is that my ruling planet is Uranus. Uranus is the weirdest planet in the solar system. Its north pole faces the Sun and its Moons spin around it backwards. As such, Uranus symbolizes the eccentric and unique things in our lives. It is associated with brilliance, even if short-lived. Anyone who knows me will say that I'm a little different. I simply can't abide being like anyone else. Whether it's the car I drive, the not found in nature colors in my hair or wearing 4" heels even though I'm 6' tall, I just can't be "normal"!

I can now blame Uranus for my freedom seeking personality as it encourages us to rebel against social injustices and to seek freedom of expression in our lives. I've been told that I am a freedom seeker. The more I get to know myself, the more I realize this is true.

I am big on self expression. My work and research into Sensuality has helped me realize that it is one and the same. I am often told that I am very Sensual. That is because I am self expressive. They mirror each other.

Being a Snake, I am also highly sexual, but that's another topic for another day.

At one time I didn't put much stock in astrology. I would read the descriptions and say "that's not me!" Now I read them and I grin. Now that I really know myself and am unafraid of being who I truly am, they are remarkably accurate.

So, thanks to the stars and planets, I'm a little off beat. That's why I keep taking these odd roads. And it's why I'm going to make a difference in the world. I am so looking forward to really following through with this dream. I have a lot of great support and have learned a lot about what I need to do. I am an idea gal. I have big plans. And I want to share them with you and help you realize your big dreams and plans.

I believe that it's easy to take the road behind others. It's certainly less stressful. But somewhere down the road, someone goes off on their own. They create a new path. It's harder, it's a little insane, but someone has to be first. Will you follow?

Experiment

Last week I was introduced, via the web, to Patty Contenta. Her website www.sensualitysecret.com caught my eye when I was doing key word searches for my own site - the soon to be up and running www.beingsensual.com. I loved what Patty had to say that " The TRUE 'ideal woman' is a woman who embraces all that she is...…every aspect of herself. She LOVES herself. All of it!"

We are certainly on the same page when it comes to that! In addition, Patty helps women get in touch with their sensuality through body language. I bought her eBook "Sensuality Secrets" and have been experimenting with a few of the techniques. She claims that using them will attract men like flies no matter your size, shape or attractiveness because it shows your self confidence.

As I mentioned last week, I discovered in reading Patty's work that I already unconsciously do a lot of the techniques, but now I am playing with them consciously to see what happens.

Last night I was in a pub with a male friend. There was a hockey game so other than myself and the waitstaff, pretty much everyone in the place was male. Personally being completely uninterested in hockey, I was glad to have good company who, although a fan, is a considerate one.

For those of you who may not be from Canada, and especially Edmonton, let me tell you that this is one hockey crazy town. The 9 month hockey season (or however long it truly is) is an interminable thorn in my side, but to most it's lifeblood. So to get a man's attention when a game is on is no small feat of femininity.

I already have the attention of my friend so there was no need to experiment on him. Rather, when he left for a several minutes, I started to consciously use Patty's touching techniques. I sat at the table seemingly causually running my fingers, more specifically the middle, along the side of my face, along my jawline and neck and across my clavicle. I did this repeatedly and in several different ways. I was enjoying the motion, of being in touch with myself in a way that was simple and essentially non-sexual.

Well, my darlings, the technique certainly works! When I took the time to look around I noticed at least 2 men watching intently. I continued for a short time longer until my friend returned and I began to feel a little silly as I wasn't looking to attract anyone else to the table.

Still, thank you Patty for such a simple technique that works! Girls, if you're looking to attract that man watching the game on the other side of the bar, start touching your face, neck and clavicle with your middle finger. Do it slowly, sensually and with enjoyment of yourself and he won't be able to keep his eyes off you!

Happy experimenting!

The land of discovery

I have neglected my blog for some time. In the intervening months (oh my, months!) I have done a lot of searching and discovering about myself and what I want. For any growing person, this is an ongoing process. After all, if you're not growing, you're dieing. And I'd much rather be doing the former.

The growth process can be uncomfortable or even painful - just ask any adolescent. It can also be exhilarating and awe inspiring. Or sometimes both at the same time. Coming out the other side and looking back is certainly a big part of the fun. The problem is, we don't often take time to do that part of the process. Celebrating how far we've come, what we've learned, what we've accomplished.

So here's to reflection.

I sometimes need others to show me how far I've come. Thankfully there are a lot of people who have been around for some time and have seen the changes I have gone through and can help remind me how much I've changed. I am often told how much more present I am or how much more confident or outgoing or simply how much better I am at showing up whether in private or public.

I have such a passion for helping women discover their truth, their beauty, their expression, their sensuality. I was asked recently where this came from. My stock answer is that I spent a long time living by other people's standards, not being who I really am and being miserable because I couldn't figure out why it wasn't working and why I wasn't happy. Well, duh! Because I wasn't true to my inner self, my soul's desire, my truth. Once I started to discover that and live in it, I became happier and more fulfilled.

Then I began to reflect more on that question and an even more basic reason came to light. I spent most of my life not only living a lie, but also thinking I was unattractive and unfeminine. My sister was the pretty one, I was the strong one. I took on a lot of male characteristics, even wanting to be a boy when I was younger. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 19 and then I simply glommed onto the first loser who expressed interest, even going so far as getting engaged. Thank GOD I came to my senses before any papers were signed!

It wasn't until very recently that I discovered my feminine self. My sensuality. My feminine power. Now I can honestly say I'm damn HOT! And I want to show every woman no matter what she looks like that she can BE BEAUTIFUL.

This does not mean a big make-over (although that can certainly be part of it) but it really means discovering themselves and their light which is what makes everyone beautiful. There is nothing more attractive than confidence and purpose. We have all seen this, even if we didn't recognize it as such. There is nothing more beautiful than being you. Then your sensuality shines through and comes out naturally.

I recently looked at a website that had body language tips for sensuality and realized I do most of them without even thinking when I'm feeling my best. Fake it till you make it works, and discovering you've already made it is incredible!

I invite you all to come on a journey with me and discover that you already have it, we just need to find ways to let it loose.

BE BEAUTIFUL, you fabulous women, you!